I didn’t know my own strength

30 Nov

I just watched Whitney Houstan perform her song “I didn’t know my own strength” on the 2009 AMA awards.  Wow….this song struck me deep.  If you don’t know her story, look it up.  In brief, she has been an amazing superstar, made mistakes, hit rock bottom, and has found her strength anew to keep living and doing what God has given her to do. 

I’ve been there.  So many times I have hit a point where I didn’t know where I was going to get the strength to live again, to breathe again.  But each time I have found myself there, I have also found a resevoir of strength that I truly didn’t know about.

I’ve been struck down.

I’ve been beat up.

I’ve been crushed.

I’ve been torn.

I’ve been silenced.

I’ve been tested.

I’ve been all these things, and much, much more.

The people around me tell me that I have such an amazing depth of strength within me.  They say that I will get through this current trial, and any more that life throws at me.

Truly, I never knew I was this strong.  I never knew that I COULD survive.  Sometimes each day was a struggle just to live, and yet I never let go.  I never knew the wells that run deep within me, that God specifically made for me to tap into in times of need.  I never knew the strength that he gave me.  I never knew my own strength.

This Crohn’s thing knocked me down for a couple of days.  I have always been strong physically and health-wise.  But now, I was faced with not being strong like I was.  Those closest to me said, “No Pam, you are STILL strong.  You will STILL be strong tomorrow.  You are the SAME strong person you were before this diagnosis.” 

Yes, I am strong.  But I am only strong because HE has made me so.

I didn’t know my own strength, in My God.

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Posted by on November 30, 2009 in Crohn's Journal


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