So, in terms of last night, let me explain:
We (my husband and best friend and her husband) were going out without the kiddos….a very rare treat. I was VERY tired and couldn’t figure out what to eat for myself. I knew if I didn’t eat though, I would have problems later on and I wanted to be able to stay out as long as we wanted. I ended up eating about a cup of Brasco Broth, and then made a small smoothie, neither of which was satisfying. Normally, when we go out, I would get SOMETHING to snack on while we are there. But now, I don’t want to take that chance that I might react to something.
The other aspect of this whole food thing is that, before I moved into this house 5 years ago and met my friend, I wasn’t comfortable in the kitchen being creative in cooking. But, this friend, was a chef for over 20 years, so slowly she took her time to teach me how to cook, and then how to be okay with experimenting with foods. We would cook together in my tiny kitchen at least once a week, throwing things together and making a fabulous meal for our families. We have loved those times, and have missed them.
Since my diagnosis we’ve been in my kitchen like that maybe 3 times. Yes, life has been busy. But it’s also hard to try and figure out what to feed me, and it’s just not as fun since I won’t even taste the things that I cannot eat. Yes, I’ll help in the cooking, but the joy is gone in the sharing of flavors and tastes.
I imagine it will get better in the future, once I find more foods that I know I can eat. And I know we will get to a point where we enjoy cooking FOR ME and sharing the tastes and creative process there.
But for right now, I just miss food. I miss being able to eat normally. I miss being the kitchen with my friend.
Sometimes I just miss life like it used to be.