Tonight is one of those nights that I ask, “why now?”
Why did Crohn’s have to hit me now, in my mid-thirties?
Why now, when my kids take so much time and attention in order to raise them right?
Why now, when I’m just trying to discover who I am?
Why now, and not in 10 years, or even 5?
Why now, when the financial difficulties we are having make treatment and supplements difficult?
Why now, of all times?
Life was going good, so why now did I have to get a disease that changes such a very basic part of my life as eating? Why do I now have to deal with the daily wonder if I’m going to be alright? WHY NOW???
I can tell you some things, of why now.
I’m so glad it didn’t hit any earlier. I was not strong enough even a year or two ago to tackle this. I would not have survived and been able to continue being a good mom and wife had it hit earlier in my life. I’m strong enough right now, so that’s why now.
This changes things for my kids. But, they are young enough that the changes will be normal as they grow up. If it would have hit in a few years, incorporating my diet into theirs would have been a huge struggle. They will benefit from the better eating.
God wants to teach me something through this. Why now? Because he knows I’m ready. I’m honored that he thinks that I’m ready for this next step. It says a lot about El Papa Dios, and what he wants for me.
Because…..I am strong. I am a fighter. I am determined. I will not let this get the best of me. God’s got me wrapped up in the palm of his hand, and he’ll never let me go. Why now?