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Tired, again

03 Mar

Oh, but I was tired today.  I just couldn’t seem to get any energy.  Maybe I pushed myself too hard yesterday, but it was such a beautiful day!  Almost 70 degrees, and my garden just beckoned me.  It felt good to get a handle on the weeds before they got out of control, but over an hour of weeding I think really drained me.  Either that or the malabsorption issue is coming into play.  Ugh….

Either way, I just couldn’t muster much energy today.  I pushed myself to do what I needed to do.  Slow and steady, that’s the mantra for days like this.  Do everything slow, steady, and with intent.  If I stop for too long I might not start again.

I hate these types of days for what it does to me as a mom.  I can’t handle problems with my kids as much.  The kiddos were having trouble working together cleaning.  My son came down, I think, to tell me how his sister was not cooperating.  I couldn’t handle anything more, so I just yelled that I didn’t care, and that the two of them need to get going on cleaning.  Sigh…… 

The kiddos realized they could have done better working together, but I wonder….if I would have had energy, could I have circumnavigated the arguments and not gotten angry with my son?

Maybe…..

Tomorrow is a new day.  For all of us.  I’ll go to bed tonight not beating myself up too much, for I know that I love my kiddos beyond measure, and love them without regard to anything else.  I know that at the end of the day I have done my best, for that day.

I just wish sometimes that my best was what I know I can do because my body allows me to, not just because it’s “only” what I can do that day because my body has limited me to that.

Someday, again, I’ll get back to that….

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Posted by on March 3, 2010 in Crohn's Journal

 

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