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No hope?

13 Mar

Last night my husband came home and told me that the latest idea to help us has failed.  It just won’t work.  We are in Real Estate.  The last paycheck we had that covered our bills was in August of 2008.  There is no way I can pay my medical bills right now.  I get calls every day from creditors.  We have a house closing next week, so that should give us enough money to pay the bank and stave off foreclosure, at least for a few months.  I guess it’s back to the food bank I go.  Thankfully a family member gave me some money so I can keep getting some of my treatments and supplements.  But I have no idea how the rest of it’s going to work now, and I don’t even want to hear about it.  I told my husband to just tell me when it’s done.

I told my husband that I don’t have any hope left to give for our financial situation.  I can’t even count the number of “big ideas” that have seemed like they should have worked, but didn’t.  I’m simply all out of hope for that. 

I didn’t even care a sh*t about my Crohn’s last night.  I took two Valerian root, just to make sure I could sleep.  As we were talking I could feel my side starting to hurt.  Just the anxiety of it was going to set it off, I’m sure.  I’ve never taken two valerian, and frankly, I didn’t care what it did to my Crohn’s.  Not a good place to be.

Sigh……..

I’ll finish stomping my foot and crying pretty soon. 

I might not have any hope left for how we are going to get out of this.  But that does not mean I’ve lost my faith in God.

I still believe in Him.

I know it will all be okay.

I guess it just means that God wants us to go a bit lower, and learn a bit more.

Crap.

I guess there’s some good out of it.  God wouldn’t put us through it if he knew we couldn’t handle it, so I guess that means we’ll get stronger in the process.

Hip hip hooray………

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Posted by on March 13, 2010 in Crohn's Journal

 

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