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Waiting for the shoe to drop

24 Jun

Sometimes with Crohn’s, it feels like you go through life just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  You never know if some food or drink is going to upset your system, and send you to the bathroom for so long that your family thinks of sending out search and rescue.  You try to keep worry and stress away knowing that these can exacerbate your symptoms, but in this world it seems hard to do sometimes.  That’s when prayer, music, or Valerian Root come in handy.  🙂

All joking aside…..it does feel at times like I’m just waiting for things to get worse.  I am blessed in that Crohn’s has not hobbled me in life like so many others who deal with such pain and discomfort all day long.  I’m still in the infancy of this disease, and am just over half-way through my year trial with my Naturopath to see what good a natural route can do for this disease.  I know that my symptoms are almost non-existant, but that doesn’t mean the disease is not inside of me, working it’s harm.  I can only go by the blood tests and how I feel to tell me that things are going okay. 

But I won’t lie to you.

There are times where it feels like I’m walking around holding my breath, praying that whatever I just ate or did is not going to cause pain inside of me.  With this disease, you simply don’t know.  There is no predictability.  You cannot always say, “well, if I eat this I know that I’ll be in trouble.”  You cannot say that tomorrow is going to be good simply because the last two days were good.

I guess it’s that unpredictability that sometimes gets me, and makes me wonder what’s coming next.  It doesn’t govern my life on a daily basis, but it just creeps in every now and then, like an annoying bug.

When that happens, I just need to remember that I’m okay, that God is still in control, and that this disease does not rule my life.

And if the other shoe does drop?

Well, I have confidence and faith that if that happens, God and I can deal with it at that time.  No use worrying about spilled milk until it’s actually on the floor.

🙂

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Posted by on June 24, 2010 in Crohn's Journal

 

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