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Monthly Archives: July 2010

I don’t want to talk…..

I’ve had some grrrrrrrrr moments lately, but I don’t want to tell you about them.  In our society, it seems that outward “happiness” is prized over being real.  But in my life, I don’t want to be a plastic person with a plastic smile, saying that everything is fine when in fact it could be better.  Yes, I’ll often say that everything is going good because, in all reality, God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and he’s got it all under control.  But, if I were to be completely honest with you, most days I’m standing very firm on His promises for me, and then there are days that I just stomp my foot and grrrrrrr.

So, I had a big grrrrrrrr moment last night.  I don’t like where that puts me, and I don’t ever want to spend much time there.  I get snappy at the kids, mad at the world, and just sulk.  The reality is that this trial has gone on for almost 2 years, and I’m getting tired of it.  Yes, we are eating good food, and still are together as a family.  Yes, I can still count my blessings that are so plentiful.  But being in this place day in and day out, wears on you.

Reality here folks….we are all human, and we all fall sometimes.  It’s what you do when you fall that says a lot about what you are standing on.

I was sooooooo tired this morning, and didn’t want to wake up when my alarm when off at 6:00.  Even though coffee was only a moment away, it felt so nice to snuggle under the covers and close my eyes again.

But I had a grrrrr moment last night, and I didn’t want to start my day in that space.

So I got up, made the coffee, and took my bible out to the front porch where I have “my” space.  I lit the candle, and opened up to 1 Peter 5.  I don’t know what led me to 1 Peter last week, but there were some key verses each day that I read it.  Today was no different.

Keep a cool head.  Stay alert.  The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping.  Keep your guard up.  You are not the only ones plunged into these hard times.  It’s the same with Christians all over the world.  So keep a firm grip on the faith.  The suffering won’t last forever.  It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ–eternal and glorious plans they are!–will have you put together and on your feet for good.  He gets the last word; yes, he does.  (1 Peter 5:8-11, The Message)

I have to remember that these trials are only temporary.  That God deeply desires to pour out his blessings upon our lives.  That he doesn’t want us to struggle and be in pain, because he is, above all things….a god of love.

No matter where he sends us, no matter what the circumstance, I know that we don’t walk this path alone.  He is beside us each and every step of the way.  It’s my job, just like a child, to reach out and grab onto his hand. 

He’s not gonna let go. 

Why on earth would I? 

 

 
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Posted by on July 28, 2010 in Crohn's Journal

 

Wax!!!

Oh, I am soooooo glad I went to the doctor today about my ears!  It turns out that they were virtually plugged with wax, which can cause ringing and pain.  Thankfully I can get back to my coffee in the morning, and not worry about it causing harm anymore.  🙂

I’m thinking this whole thing started with the ear infection I had back in May, and has just steadily gotten worse since then.  We did a flush today of hydrogen peroxide and water in both ears to loosen everything up.  The Naturopath then told me to get “Debrox,” which is a natural earwax softener.  Our hope is that in doing the flush, the Debrox, and then flushing my ears out in the shower each day, the wax will loosen and clear.  I’m hopeful, because this is an easy solution to something that could have been so many other things!

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2010 in Crohn's Journal, Doctor Journal

 

Ringing Ears

Well, this is a new twist that may or may not have anything to do with Crohn’s!  About 2 months ago my ears started ringing on a more persistent scale…..louder and more often than I had experienced in the past.  This past week it has been pretty constant and loud.  It makes going to sleep quite a challenge some days!  I see the doctor on Monday about it, and I hope we can figure it out.  I have a friend who has a degenerative ear disease, and lives with this all the time, so I know it’s manageable.  I just want it gone if there’s something we can do about it!

At this point, there are a few things I’m tossing around that it could be:  1) caffeine (reintroduced into my diet just 2 weeks prior to the ringing starting), 2) a bad cold/earache (the ringing started shortly after that), 3) new meds started the same time as the coffee, or 4) the weather (hey, we always blame everything on the weather, right?).

I’m hoping it’s not the coffee.  I’m not supposed to drink decaf on the SCD, and if you’ve read my blog at all, you know that I LOVE the taste of coffee!  But, if it’s that, I guess I’d rather not have the constant bee in my ear, and I would give it up.  Maybe it’s something else entirely……we’ll see!

 
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Posted by on July 24, 2010 in Crohn's Journal

 

Banana Ice Cream

This is a super easy treat to make, if you like banana’s.  If you are not crazy about them, well…..better stick with the real stuff.  🙂

Here’s what you do:

Take your ripe banana’s and cut them into small pieces.  Lay them flat on a cookie sheet, and put them in the freezer for 1-2 hours.  Take the banana’s out and put them in your blender.  Blend well, scraping down the sides when needed, until a creamy consistency is achieved.  Voila!!!  Banana Ice Cream.

The first time I did this I added some frozen strawberries because it is a strong flavor.  That helped.  For my family I will sometimes drizzle Hershey’s syrup over the top, so it’s like a frozen chocolate banana treat.  The second time I did this I left the banana’s in the freezer for 2 days.  Waaaaaaaaay too long!  They were so frozen it was hard to blend, so stick with the 1-2 hour time frame.  I’m going to play around with adding different things each time to the base of banana’s, and see what kind of treat I can make!

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2010 in Crohn's Journal, Dessert, Recipes

 

crash……..

I forgot about the crash.  It’s been a while since the IV injection gave me a significant amount of energy, so I forgot that it only lasts for a few days and the downfall after that.  The energy crash is something I still can’t get used to.  Yes, the benefits are still in me of the added nutrients that I’m not getting, but to go from 90% energy for 3 days to less than 50% today is rough.  My eyes don’t want to open at all, my feet are slow, and I feel like I could sleep the day away.  But, I’ll keep pluggin’ along.  Life moves ahead whether I’m up for it or not!  The only thing I really don’t like is that it saps my energy to do the things I love as well.  Earlier I just wanted to sit at the piano and sing some songs, but I didn’t have the energy to even open my mouth.  I let my fingers play a song, and I sang along in my head, but that was about it.  I want to go back and play, but I just know that the energy is not there.  That’s what sucks about this energy crash…..

 
 

The Death of Cable

We finally did it.  We pulled the plug on our cable service.  I’d like to tell you it was for noble reasons that we did it:  we wanted to spend more quality time together, or we wanted those influences gone out of our kids’ lives.  But no, that’s not why we did it.  Are you kidding?  We are as addicted as any other American family to the good ol’ squawk box!

No, the real reason we did it is one that I don’t, in part, really want to share with you.  I can tell you all I want about our continued “financial struggles” and it can still be pretty ambiguous.

But to say we cut it off because we fell behind and couldn’t pay the bill?  That we are going to make pitifully small payments for a long time in order to satisfy this debt?  That’s very vulnerable and real for me to say. 

I”m not even sure what else to say about it right now.  Sigh……

We made the decision because, for one, they were going to shut it off on us, and we wanted to leave things in good standing.  And the second reason is that all of our money and efforts right now need to go towards saving our house.  I don’t say these things to gain pity or general “atta-girl” accolades from people.

I simply feel that being real and transparent are important in our society, especially in these times.

I know that our family is not the only one going through this.

If my being open and honest about our situation gives someone a hope to hang onto and a knowledge that they are not the only ones, then I will be open and honest.

Because in the end, my only hope comes from Christ, and I will use whatever happens in my life to point people to that truth.

And the reality of this?

I’m excited!

I finally have time to read to my kids the stuff I’ve always wanted to read.  I get to play more games with them and connect in ways I’ve yet to even consider.  I can’t wait to spread the blanket out on the grass this summer and read “Peter Pan” or “Treasure Island” with them and dream about if we were there.  I look forward to all the adventures we will do now that the big black elephant is no longer available to steal our time.

And in the end, I know my family will be so much richer for this experience.

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2010 in Crohn's Journal

 

IV #10

Oh, how I LOVE getting these IV’s!!!!  Even though I’m at a good energy level right now (probably a steady 75%), this IV session bumped me up to 90+!  I feel like I could cook-clean-dust-sweep-scrub-disinfect-declutter-organize AND still have time to tackle everything else!  I’ve not felt this good from them in a while, so it’s nice to finally be back to “normal.”  I don’t know how long it will last, but I’ll take whatever I can get.  🙂  I have a slight headache, but I’m not sure if it’s from the drugs, or just life. 

Either way, I love the “spunk” that this puts back into me. 

🙂