I don’t want to talk…..

28 Jul

I’ve had some grrrrrrrrr moments lately, but I don’t want to tell you about them.  In our society, it seems that outward “happiness” is prized over being real.  But in my life, I don’t want to be a plastic person with a plastic smile, saying that everything is fine when in fact it could be better.  Yes, I’ll often say that everything is going good because, in all reality, God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and he’s got it all under control.  But, if I were to be completely honest with you, most days I’m standing very firm on His promises for me, and then there are days that I just stomp my foot and grrrrrrr.

So, I had a big grrrrrrrr moment last night.  I don’t like where that puts me, and I don’t ever want to spend much time there.  I get snappy at the kids, mad at the world, and just sulk.  The reality is that this trial has gone on for almost 2 years, and I’m getting tired of it.  Yes, we are eating good food, and still are together as a family.  Yes, I can still count my blessings that are so plentiful.  But being in this place day in and day out, wears on you.

Reality here folks….we are all human, and we all fall sometimes.  It’s what you do when you fall that says a lot about what you are standing on.

I was sooooooo tired this morning, and didn’t want to wake up when my alarm when off at 6:00.  Even though coffee was only a moment away, it felt so nice to snuggle under the covers and close my eyes again.

But I had a grrrrr moment last night, and I didn’t want to start my day in that space.

So I got up, made the coffee, and took my bible out to the front porch where I have “my” space.  I lit the candle, and opened up to 1 Peter 5.  I don’t know what led me to 1 Peter last week, but there were some key verses each day that I read it.  Today was no different.

Keep a cool head.  Stay alert.  The Devil is poised to pounce, and would like nothing better than to catch you napping.  Keep your guard up.  You are not the only ones plunged into these hard times.  It’s the same with Christians all over the world.  So keep a firm grip on the faith.  The suffering won’t last forever.  It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ–eternal and glorious plans they are!–will have you put together and on your feet for good.  He gets the last word; yes, he does.  (1 Peter 5:8-11, The Message)

I have to remember that these trials are only temporary.  That God deeply desires to pour out his blessings upon our lives.  That he doesn’t want us to struggle and be in pain, because he is, above all things….a god of love.

No matter where he sends us, no matter what the circumstance, I know that we don’t walk this path alone.  He is beside us each and every step of the way.  It’s my job, just like a child, to reach out and grab onto his hand. 

He’s not gonna let go. 

Why on earth would I? 



Posted by on July 28, 2010 in Crohn's Journal


2 responses to “I don’t want to talk…..

  1. Julie

    August 9, 2010 at 11:26 pm

    Please be real……if you only have to do it to my email, then do it there. I love to read about real instead of the feel good stuff. It makes me trust a person that can say it all, then I can trust them completely because they aren’t hiding but saying all that is on their mind.

    It’s okay to say it all to me!


  2. newfoundsun

    August 9, 2010 at 11:28 pm

    Thanks Jules. Love ya!


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