Every so often this Crohn’s shows up as being emotionally “low.” I know that it can be a side-effect of a thyroid not working properly (like mine). It can be because of all the other ways that Crohn’s can affect your body. And it can also be due to the stresses of life, or anything else at that moment. I don’t know a single person that spends their entire life “up,” and so when a “low” comes it doesn’t scare me. I just don’t like it.
I can’t really point to my emotional status today as being caused by the Crohn’s, though that is a likely culprit. I would guess that it has something to do with the stress of our finances. We find ourselves again scratching and clawing for every single dollar. And we find ourselves again looking at the future, at possible ways out of this, and wondering if God’s will will manifest itself in that scenario or not. I have had to take Valerian Root the last two nights to go to bed because my heart was just racing. And then today, this afternoon, really just the past 2 hours, I’ve felt that warm blanket of melancholy surround me and not want to let go.
I know what this feels like, and I know I don’t want to be here.
So, I’ll do some things for myself tonight, like have a bit of wine, and send my kids across the street for a movie so I can have the house to myself. I’ll maybe listen to some music, or just play on the computer. And tomorrow, I will go to church. It will be good to worship in God’s house, with God’s people. My heart needs that.