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The noose tightens

08 Oct

Food?  Medicine?  Heating bill?  Which do you choose?

I found myself last night in a conversation with my husband, reluctant to buy the supplements I need to continue fighting this disease.  Why should I spend money on myself when my kids need food, the car needs gas to drive them to school, and the bills keep piling up?

I don’t spend money easily (siblings called me a “tightwad” all the time), and I have historically had an especially hard time spending it on myself.  I’ve gotten better the last few years, and realize that I’m worth it, but when things get tight I pull back.

Last night, I didn’t want to order my pills.  I felt like I was playing Russian Roulette in terms of them.  “This one I can do without for another week, but this one I need right now.”  ALL the supplements have played a part in getting me healthy these past 9 months.  How can I choose which to continue and which to not?

Health Insurance is key.  We have to pay that.  What to do….what to do?

Easy.

It’s called damage control, and we’ve been here awhile.

What are the most critical things to pay right now, when there is little in the bank?  What can wait?  How long can I do without this medicine, or that pill?  How long can we keep the heaters off in the house?

As I went to bed it felt like the hangman’s noose was slowly tightening on us.  It’s been getting closer and closer each month.  There just simply isn’t much there for us.  “We have just this much money, and it needs to last us until the end of the month.”  I look at the calendar, and realize it’s only the 7th.  How on earth will this pitiful amount sustain us until Halloween?

How much longer can we hang on?

How many more “sun stopping” prayers do I have in me?

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Posted by on October 8, 2010 in Crohn's Journal

 

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