Yep, it’s that time again. After a year of treating this disease naturally, against the thinking of most people in this world, it’s time to get some pictures of my gut and see how things really are doing. I’ve been trying to eat low-fiber the last 3 days (lots of chicken soup!), and today after breakfast I get to start the fast. Luckily, I made a batch of just chicken broth that I can eat all day, if I need it. I can also have coffee, which just might be my saving point!
Yes, it’s a colonoscopy. Why do I share that, you might ask? Well, for one, this blog is about sharing my journey with Crohn’s, and those people with Crohn’s who read this will want to know what I did and how it affected me. Trust me, I’d rather not share all the intimate details of a disease like this that can make you go poop 20 times in a day, and the details of HOW that poop comes out, which can make a big difference. I’ll tell you about the gut cramps, sure! But oh well….in for a penny, in for a pound. 🙂
Like I said, I’ve eaten a lot of soup these past 3 days, along with eggs and cooked fruit and veggies. I also took a dose of Miralax the last 3 days, to help get things moving. Today after a 2-egg breakfast I’ll start eating broth whenever I’m hungry. And this afternoon I’ll start on the Tri-lyte mixture I get to drink that will clean me out. I’m not adding the flavor packets (they have too many illegals) but I’m going to try a homemade apple-juice chaser after each 8 ounce glass that I chug down. I’m hoping that will work. Tomorrow bright and early I will finish the last quart of the clean-out juice, and then go in for the procedure.
That’s for the physical side.
In terms of the emotional side, here’s where I’m at:
As I was reminded in church yesterday, my hope is not tied to this test, nor it’s results, nor even how I’m feeling on any given day. My hope remains secured in heaven, where I’ve been given a place of honor. Period.
I’d be lying though if I said that a stray “what if?” didn’t cross my mind. The main one is, “what if the doctor was right? What if diet hasn’t helped at all, and I’ve just made things worse by not taking the drugs?”
You see, when I was first diagnosed, the GI doctor said I wouldn’t have to change my diet, that diet doesn’t make any difference, and that I’d have to go on strong drugs for the rest of my life. If he was right, and diet doesn’t do any good, then I’ve just wasted a year, and potentially made things worse for myself in the long run. And yet, as soon as I changed my diet, I FELT a ton better. Granted, with Crohn’s you can’t go by how you feel, because this disease is constantly working towards destruction inside of you whether you feel good or not. But I DO feel so much better, so I am hopeful that I’ve done some good in my gut, and it’s not set me back.
I’m prepared for whatever comes out of this test. Of course I have hope that things will look better, and I can say, “Look!!! Diet does work!!!” Even if it looks the same, I can still claim that this year of experimenting with a natural approach to treat Crohn’s has not done any damage, and I was able to stay away from the drugs.
If it comes back that things look worse, I’m prepared for that as well. And I in no way would regret my decision to take this year to change my diet. I feel that changing my diet HAS made a difference in me. I’ve learned how to cook more naturally, which I always wanted to do but didn’t until I was forced to. This change is helping my family, as my daughter feels better when she eats less processed foods. I faced this disease head-on a year ago, instead of hiding behind a pill. I’m NOT saying that anyone who takes drugs is hiding behind pills! I’m simply saying that for me, if I would have gone straight to the drugs, I would have relied upon them instead of putting my hope and faith and strength where it needed to be. Not in me, but in Him. Through his strength I’ve gotten through this year, and through his strength I will continue to live.
And you wanna know something? If it turns out things look worse and drugs are recommended….I’m okay with that. I’m okay with it because I took the time to dig deep within myself, and change things that needed to be changed. I feel now that I have a broad-scope to deal with this disease. An overall view that deals with ALL aspects, and not just one. I feel that whatever the outcome, I can continue to fight and live with this disease until that glorious day of God’s healing manifesting itself in me, and I can eat without fear once again.