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Monthly Archives: January 2011

So long….car

Well, tomorrow we will be surrendering our other car to the bank as a voluntary repossession.  The last vehicle we took back to the bank was my husband’s, but this one is mine so it hurts just a titch.  It’s what I’ve used for EVERYTHING the last 6 years, and is all my kids really know.  But, what can you do?  Times are tough, and you just have to deal with things as you can and keep moving on!  I’ll be sorry to see it go, but am glad for the way God has taken care of us.  A few years back we did some trades and got the car that Mark is currently driving, and it’s free and clear.  And just last week he traded a bunch of equipment for an older car that will work great for running around.  So, we still have two vehicles to get to work and school and back, and as an added bonus, the new one we just got last week gets about 3 times the gas mileage than my Expedition!  We’ll be saving a ton, and now will have two rigs that we don’t owe anything on.  🙂

No one expected this economic season to last this long or to go this deep.  When things like this hit, you can do one of two things:  give up, or keep fighting.  Well, the first option, for us, is not even an option.  We have a saying in our family that the Weaver’s never give up.  As long as God has given us breath to walk another day, we’ll keep fighting and plugging along in this life, no matter what it brings!

And the only way we can say that with any confidence is because we know our hope is not found in our circumstances, or how nice of a car/clothes/house/whatever we have.  It rests in the assurance and hope of a life that has been redeemed, and a God who loves and cherishes us more than the ends of the earth and is willing to do anything for us.

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

How long to wait?

How long do you wait for the vision that God has planted in your heart?  How long do you keep the fires burning and the passion hot, waiting, without giving up?  A few weeks?  A few months?

It’s been years.

Sometimes, it feels like I’m walking in the desert.  No water for my thirsty soul that desires the quenching water of his dream inside of me.  When will it come?

My heart burns with a passion to use my voice….to sing.  To touch many with the truths of his saving grace and love that rescued and redeemed me.

He has given me new ways to use my voice.  He has shown me that it’s not just through singing that he wants to use me.

Yet, here I sit, still, waiting.

When the fire burns so hot it hurts, what do you do?  What do you do if there SEEMS to be no outlet?  How long do you wait?

The passion is a white-hot fire burning inside of me.  I have been one that is classified as “damaged faith,” yet I desire and yearn for “active faith.”  I believe He has given me an active faith to believe when the world says to walk away, yet sometimes the articles of the “damaged faith” try to rear their ugly heads.

But, I still believe, and keep walking.

It’s just so hard sometimes, and hurts.

How much longer do I wait, God?

 
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Posted by on January 28, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

8!!!!!

Wow!!!  I received some money for my birthday, and decided to get some new clothes for myself (most of my pants are too big and hand-me-downs!!!).  When I went to pick out pants, I chose size 10’s, figuring that’s where I’ve landed.  Boy was I surprised when they were too big!!!  HOLY COW!!!!  I never thought I would be in a size 8.

It feels really good.  🙂

 
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Posted by on January 25, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

Backward???

Well, not too many steps, I hope!  I’ve been doing pretty good this week keeping things simple and well-cooked in order to let my gut rest.  But today, I had a tough choice to make.  I was teaching in the a.m. at my kids’ school, and figured I would be home for lunch so didn’t pack anything.  About 10:30 I got a call from another teacher in the building asking if I could sub for her last-minute in the afternoon.  Well, that’s a good chunk of change, and so I said yes.  Only problem was that I lived 15 minutes away, did not have time to go home for food, and could eat virtually nothing in the cafeteria.  Knowing myself though, I knew I needed SOMETHING otherwise I would tank and not be functional in a teacher role.  So, I grabbed two apples and some more coffee, and forged ahead!

Thankfully the apples were a bit soft, not my favorite, but something easier still for me to digest.  Even with two apples and a pot of coffee, by the time school was over I was famished.  Again, nothing I could really do about it!  So when I got home I ate what I had….some almond-flour baked goods.

And of course, 90 minutes later I’m having a decent amount of gas.  I’m hopeful that this will just last tonight and will go through my system by tomorrow.

But again….I had no choice.  If I wanted to keep getting these calls to sub at a school that is VERY difficult to get requested for, I needed to be available.  And I couldn’t eat the starch/sugar laden things that were also in the cafeteria.  So I did the best I could, made some money, and am praying that it will all work out tonight and be fine by tomorrow!

 
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Posted by on January 21, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

Better….

Well, I’m doing much better.  For clarification though, a “flare” for me is nothing compared with what other Crohnies go through.  A flare for most of them can be intense pain that disables and multiple upon multiple trips to the bathroom each day, often times accompanied with pain.  There can also be an increase in arthritis-type of pain and symptoms, just to add agony to your misery!

That’s not me, thank goodness!

The definition of a flare for me is usually an increase in right side pain, under the ribs.  This is where the Crohn’s was present and active Nov. 2009 but showed cleared up Nov. 2010.  There often is also present a tendency to get “stopped up.”  Sometimes there might be extra gas.  But that’s about it.  All in all, it’s very manageable.

So, in order to deal with this episode, I first made sure to eat my chicken soup at least once a day.  I also cooked all my veggies and fruit, and tried to stay away from nuts (but still did have some biscuits made from almond flour and some almond butter….couldn’t stay away!).  I tried to drink more water, but did not take my coffee intake down.

And after a few days, the pain has gone away.  I’m probably at the tail-end of it, so I still need to be gently for a couple more days.

BUT….it is my birthday today.  I will confess that I ate 6 almond flour drop biscuits because I could.  I hope I don’t pay for it later……..but this day only comes once a year!!!  🙂

 
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Posted by on January 20, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

Happy Birthday!

As another year passes I find myself contemplating the age that I am and the realization that I no longer am in the “young” crowd.  This has come to quite a shock to me, the person who was always mistaken for a student when teaching in my 20’s.  A person could always relate to the youth, even in my early 30’s.  But now, I look around a room of 12-graders at the local high school, and realize that I could be each and every one of these kids’ moms.  AFTER I graduated high school.

Now, I know I’m still young. 37 is really not that old.  But it seems that around 35 a person can go either way:  the young crowd or the old crowd.  They either hang onto their youth and try to dress and act the part of the 20-something, or they embrace their “wise” status and become a mentor to many.  At 36 I should have realized what was coming, but I think I was in denial.  Now, 37 has hit, and there’s just no getting around it.

I’m in the “older” crowd.

I’m still young at heart, and always will be.  But I no longer know the music kids listen to, or the slang they use, or the styles they wear and call “fashion.”  There are those glorious days when someone will walk into my classroom when I’m teaching and take a moment looking for the teacher and not realize it is me.  Those are the days I smile inside, knowing that at least on some days, I can still pass as a student.  🙂

37 has come, and 37 will go.  I guess the import thing is that, even as I get older and older, I hang onto who I know that I am, inside and out.  If I am secure it that, then it doesn’t really matter what it says on my driver’s license.  When a piece of paper asks for my age, I don’t need to cringe.

I know ME.  And I like ME, regardless of my age.

🙂

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

Flare…ugh!

Well, I think I am officially in a flare, minor though it might be compared to other Crohnies.  It’s still a lot more than what I usually have to deal with, and so it’s a bit disconcerting.  It started a few days back with some minor right side pain, and has steadily increased.  Yesterday I had one of the worst cramps yet.  It lasted for a good 20 seconds and had me doubled over taking short breaths until it passed.  Most of this afternoon my right side is tight….the same area where the Crohn’s was located.  It feels right on the verge of going really bad.  SO…..I’ve had to think back and see if there is anything I’ve done differently, or anything else that could a trigger to bring this on.

The first is stress, and I’m sure that has played a part.  Enough said for now.  There’s just no way around it.

In terms of food, if I start to have a reaction, I evaluate a few things:

  • Have I had too much almond-flour baked goods?  An overload of something that’s good can cause a reaction just as something with bad stuff!  But no, I have not been over-indulging in those type of things lately.
  • Neither have I had much of raw nuts or an excess of nut butters.  Since nuts can be hard to digest, that is something I look at in all it’s forms.  I don’t think that’s the issue.
  • The most obvious….have I eaten anything I shouldn’t?  Well, I don’t think so.  I’ve stopped my food journal and am now just keeping a symptom journal.  But I know on a whole I’m eating 99.9% the way I supposed to, so I don’t believe I had anything illegal that would trigger something.
  • Have I introduced any new foods?  This is a big key with Crohn’s, if you are treating it with diet.  It can take 4 days or more for a food to get through your system, and so you need to be aware of new foods you try and any symptoms that might occur in the days following.  I did get a new coffee last week, just before this started.  SO….that might be the culprit.  It is an organic shade-grown blend, unflavored, so you would think it was okay.  But with Crohn’s…..you just never know!
  • Have I had too much raw food?  Well….yes.  This past week I’ve had a LOT more raw fruits than normal, and I’m thinking that might be a big culprit.  I was very careful in the past to cook my apples and not eat much other raw fruit, and I think that might have been too much.  I’ve also eaten a lot more dried fruit this week, which I’m guessing is harder to digest.

So, all total, there are a few things that could have caused this.  My main complaint this afternoon and evening is a tightness in my right side that borders on pain.  I’m being very cautious because it feels like if I just turn the wrong way it might cause a sharp shooter of pain.  I’ve been very careful yesterday and today in what I’ve eaten, but I need to go even further.

Tomorrow, and actually starting right now, I’m going to be eating a lot more soup and lessen the other foods.  I’m probably taking out beef until this goes away.  And I’ll probably get some more fish, so I can eat soup, fish, chicken, and fully cooked fruits and veggies.  We’ll see how long it takes my system to get over it.

I hope it’s soon!

 
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Posted by on January 17, 2011 in Crohn's Journal