This morning, I’ve started a 21 day fast along with my church. It’s titled “Breaking Free.” I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to write about it, here. There might be some realizations that, put simply, my human heart might not want to share. So why write it? Not sure, yet. I guess I just feel I’m supposed to, that’s all.
This week the focus is on Honor. The definition I’ve been given is: to lift up, to elevate, to treat as uncommon.
Right away, I realize that I’ve been treating something very holy as wholly common, and I feel a conviction about this.
Since starting to substitute teach, I’ve had to get up early in the morning and spend hours on the computer, looking for a job. Time that last year was spent in bible study, worship, and prayer, had now been taken up by computer time. I justified it to myself in saying that I had to click refresh every minute, looking for a job to pop up (jobs do pop up and disappear in under a minute many times). I guess I felt I couldn’t really concentrate on God the way I knew I wanted, with only being able to read snippets every few minutes, and so why try?
My heart has missed my morning time with God. I’ve felt myself sinking into a desert place, with no water to quench what my heart and soul needs. I’ve felt an apathy towards life, and a drawing away from my God. I have not liked it, but wasn’t sure how to fix it.
Until recently, due to two things. The first is that a friend pointed out the online substitute system chimes whenever a job pops up, so I don’t really have to sit there and click refresh anymore (!). The second is this fast.
I’ve chosen to get rid of facebook in the morning. Yes, I check email and the news while waiting for jobs, but I would typically spend the most time facebooking, and taking the rest of my time up whether I “need” to see what people are doing, or not.
I want to break free of this apathy towards work and life. Not that I am doubting God or his strength and provision to save us. I’ve just grown lazy and dispassionate, and a want a restoring of passion in my relationship with God.
So, I started this morning by reading the scriptures provided (Haggai 1:6-8, Proverbs 3:9, Matthew 6:33), and thinking about “honor.” About how I can honor God once again with my time in the morning. I’m also praying about the financial aspect of our lives. I am choosing to give God the first fruits of my day, in reading his word and spending time with him, and however he direct me.
“God wants us to honor Him. We do this by treating His house and those around us as uncommon and by elevating His desires above our own.”
So far this morning, I don’t feel anything different. No scriptures jumped out at me, and it seems the shoulder-shrug attitude is still there. That’s okay. This is a 21-day routine that I hope will shock my system back to center….back to where it needs to be, and back to where I want it to be.