A cookie……

17 Mar

I’m evaluating something I did tonight.  We were at a meeting with a group of friends, and there were cookies there.  You know those wonderful Lofthouse cookies that are so light and fluffy?  Yep, those are the ones.  There was also pie there.  Well, I had no trouble at all saying no, until the end, and this has me puzzled.  For 18 months I have stayed true, maybe having a 1/4 teaspoon of something here or there, but never having more than a bit of something sweet.  I can actually count on my fingers the times I have cheated with sweets over this time.

Well, my son needed another 1/2 a cookie in order to make it fair.  I didn’t want to just toss the cookie, so I wrapped it up in a napkin to take it home.  We were in the car just a moment when I decided that it wouldn’t hurt to have just one small bite.  And that first bite was amazing!  All the creamy, fluffy, sweet goodness that I have missed all these months!

But then I couldn’t resist, and ate another bite, and another, and another, until the half a cookie was gone.

It shouldn’t be a problem….at least, I hope not.  That’s more sugar than my body has had in 18 months total, all in one minute of indulgence.  And sugar is one of the main trouble spots with how I am treating this Crohn’s.  So, I’m hoping and praying that there are not consequences to my decision.

I’m also just puzzled why I would do that.  When I finished the cookie, I just sat thinking about it.  I didn’t need to eat the other bites.  I’m not down on myself, just wondering…..why?  I don’t feel like a failure, and I don’t feel like this will ruin my diet from here on out.

I guess maybe I’m a bit disappointed in myself though.

And honestly, now I’m not liking the taste of the cookie.  That first bite was fine, but afterwords…..I just have this fake chemical after-taste in my mouth.

Maybe that’s a good thing.  It will likely keep me from going and further.  🙂

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Posted by on March 17, 2011 in Crohn's Journal


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