16 Jun

Honestly speaking?  Sleep was a bit difficult last night.  My mind was tossing and turning about what we would sell and what we would keep if we lost the house.  It’s a very interesting place to be in…..thinking about losing your home.  At time is makes me very nervous with endless questions.  What will we do?  Where will we go?  What will we tell this kids?  And at other times the peace that I need is right there, calming my spirit, knowing that it’s all going to be okay.

To be clear…we still have a plan that we are hopeful will work out with us saving our house.  The bankruptcy stalled the foreclosure proceedings for a time, as it was designed to do.  But we still have to try to negotiate with the bank to lower the debt on the property, and that’s a turkey shoot.  We’ll move forward on that soon, and then have some clarity on what might really happen.

I don’t want to move out of my house.  I love the LIFE that we have brought and lived in this house.  This is where my children have grown up.  This is all they know.  I don’t really get scared thinking of losing this part of our lives.  I just don’t like it.  It’s not comfortable to think about.  I know that a house does not make a family, but when it is such a big part of your lives, to think of losing it can make you a little on edge.

A part of me is coming the grips with the fact that we may lose it, and that it would be okay.

Yikes!  I said it.

I guess I say those words because, in the past 3 months, we’ve been kinda starting over.  My husband got a job at a big company for the first time in decades.  I’ve been working.  We lost 2 cars to repossession but now have two working vehicles free and clear.  Things are trimming up.  And maybe to complete this “rebirth” we need to lose the house.  I don’t want it to go down that way, but I’m adjusting my thinking to that possibility.  That maybe God has bigger plans for our lives, and if we keep fighting to stay in this house, we are fighting against those plans.

Yuck.  Sigh.  Puke.  Stomp foot here…….

Sometimes we don’t like the feeling of God’s plans being fulfilled in our lives.  Sometimes we would rather take the reins and drive ourselves, because where we want to go is more comfortable.

But my family lives trusting in the Almighty and his plans for us.  We have taught that to our children, and continually reinforce that.  What an awesome lesson in their lives of trusting in him with everything, if it happens that way.

I don’t want to lose my house.  I like it here.

But…..I guess I’ll go where He sends me.

And hopefully, if we do lose the house, it will be across the street to the house that will be for rent in August, so that we can continue to live in the community we’ve built right here.  🙂

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Posted by on June 16, 2011 in Crohn's Journal


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