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Monthly Archives: July 2011

Furious

This Sunday my church is presenting “The Book of Eli” as a message.  It is going to be an amazing time, and I can’t wait!  One of the songs that we are singing before the message is “Furious,” and for some reason this week I’ve had trouble sinking that song and the words in my heart.  I know my energy has been through the toilet this week, and it’s just been hard to do much of anything, let alone memorize a new-to-me song that seems to use the same words over and over again.  Ugh….

So this afternoon I took some time to sit on my porch with a cup of coffee, my IPOD, and the lyrics to the song.  I started at the beginning, and tried to find the way that these words could sink into my heart.  The verses have beautiful picture words such as “glimpsed, whispers, passion, pouring out, lavishes, reaching out….”  Great words that create a wonderful story.  But what finally did it was the chorus, and realizing the word pictures that go with it, in my heart:

His love is deep, His love is wide, And it covers us

His love is fierce, His love is strong, It is furious

His love is sweet, His love is wild

And it’s waking hearts to life

I smiled as the pictures came.

His love is deep, His love is wide, And it covers usThe ocean.  I love the ocean.  The vastness of it cannot be understood nor comprehended completely.  The depths of it go deeper than our highest mountains.  The power is unfathomable.  It covers everything, transforming it with power and grace and mystery.  And when you listen, the sweetest music is created in the crashing of the waves.

His love is fierce, His love is strong, it is furious.  A Lion.  The mightiest of all the animals.  Strong and fierce, it protects its family and it’s land with a power great enough to shake any being down to the core.  All other animals cower when faced with its mighty roar.  It is also noble and majestic.  I picture this lion on the top of the highest rock, surveying all His domain with pride, love, and strength.  Nothing can stop the Lion.

His love is sweet, His love is wild, And it’s waking hearts to life.  The wildflower .  I’m walking through a meadow of wild flowers.  The scent is so delicious it almost overpowers me, but in a very subtle way.  The colors pierce to my heart with their brilliance and LIFE.  You cannot walk here without feeling alive, refreshed, and new.

With these word pictures, this song has come alive for me, and I can’t wait to sing it on Sunday.  Couple this with the message that is going to come from “The Book of Eli,” and this is sure to be an amazing day!

The Rock Church, Monroe.  9:30 and 11:30.  See you there, even if you have to skip church at your normal place.  🙂

It will be worth it!

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Posted by on July 29, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

The details….

Okay, so here’s where things are at right now with our house, with a bit of a recap to clear things up:

When we filed bankruptcy it put on hold the foreclosure sale.  In that time though, the bank who owns our home loan petitioned the court to let them sell the house, even with us being in bankruptcy.  We knew that the bankruptcy court would grant this to them, and we knew the timing would be tight.  When the bankruptcy court said “yes” to the bank, that they could sell the house, the bank already had a date set for foreclosure, and it was just over a week away.  Until the bankruptcy court gave the bank that permission, we could not negotiate with the bank on our home loan….and we simply had to wait.

When the bank was given the okay to sell our house, we had just over a week to try to negotiate, otherwise the house would sell on the date they already had set, which was July 22th.  Very tight, to say the least!  WELL…..in that one week time span our lawyer was finally able to talk with some real people at the bank, and agree to at least talk with them.  This put a hold on the foreclosure sale, for another month, and gave us some much-needed room to breathe.  The next sale date is August 26th, but we are feeling pretty good right now.  Things have lined up perfectly for us to be able to renegotiate the loan and get a lower house payment that, now that Mark and I both have jobs, we can afford.  The end result being…we don’t have to lose our house.  We hope…..

Things are looking up.  Throughout this process we have trusted in God, and his plan for our family.  At times it has felt like all we could do was keep bailing water as it poured over us and shoot arrow prayers skyward.  But we knew all along that He had it under control, whether we felt it or not.  The journey with our house is not done yet, but we are confident.  We know HIS plans are greater than our own, and we trust HIM, whatever those plans may be.

 
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Posted by on July 27, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

Blood draw

Oh, I am soooo looking forward to having my blood drawn on Monday!!!  Truly, I am.  I think my thyroid is screwed up again, though I’m not sure which way, and I want to figure it out and get on to fixing it!  Right now, my energy is generally through the toilet.  Yesterday, I had a nice breakfast like I always do (one that usually sustains me for at least 2-3 hours), and after just and hour and a half I crashed, and crashed hard.  My body goes all sluggish, my mind slows down, and I just have to rest.  I DO NOT LIKE NOT HAVING ENERGY!!!

Here’s the history on my thyroid:  I know for a couple of years before Crohn’s it was off, but regular doctors thought it was fine (apparently the tests came back as “just on the line”).  Once I started seeing my Naturopath, we realized there was a legitimate problem….it was low.  Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis is what they call it.  It can result in a big loss of energy, among other things.  Two summers ago my energy was about 25% of normal, and that’s how I lived.   Then, we got the thyroid leveled out, my energy came back up to almost normal ( due to other supplements and fixing other things along with the thyroid), and it stayed that way for a while.  We test my thyroid usually every 3 months, and I think it was stable for 3 rounds, so 9 months.  Then, all of a sudden, one of the tests for thyroid came back way high!  I was having trouble sleeping, heart palpitations, and a slew of other things that did not make life fun.  SO…..we monkeyed with my drugs, and the Doc asked me to come in in just 2 months time to get another blood draw and see where things were at.  That’s where we sit right now.  And I’m positive things are goofy again.  I’m having vivid dreams again, which I think are interfering with my REM sleep.  I’m tired…..a LOT.  It seems hard to get stuff done around the house.  Just a general….ugh when my energy is down.

Soooooooooooooo……I want them to take my blood, and I want them to take it NOW!!!  Hopefully we can get these results back quick, and get this straightened out.  I want normal life back…… 🙂

 
 

What do you miss?

I had a good friend ask me the other day, “do you really miss any of the foods you can’t eat because of the Crohn’s?”  My answer….everything!

Rice…..I would love to have a bowl of rice.  And bread….oh my gosh what I wouldn’t give for some fresh, fluffy, white bread!!!  Chinese food, Mexican food, Thai Food……any Fast Food (yes, I do miss McDonald’s and Burger King and Taco Bell and Subway….the once a month that I used to eat Fast Food is missed!!!).  Cake, cookies, chocolate, ice cream, pie (yes….I have a serious sweet tooth!).  Hot dogs.  Pepsi…..and ice-cold Pepsi….oh, man!!!  And honestly, there are so many other foods I used to eat that I miss but it’s been so long since I’ve had them that….I just can’t remember them anymore.

I love that I eat fresh and whole foods now, and I usually don’t ponder on the foods that I can’t eat anymore.  But yes, if I were to think about it, there is a lot that I miss that I just cannot eat.  Maybe someday, maybe soon.  But I just can’t risk my health with any of this other stuff yet.

But it’s okay.  I’ve lost so much weight that sometimes people don’t recognize me.  🙂  And when I am able to eat well, I’m satisfied.  So, yes, I miss a lot of things, but it doesn’t get me down.  I just eat what I can and love life in the process!!!

 
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Posted by on July 20, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

Postponed!!!

Okay, I don’t know what all the lawyer jibberish-gobbly-gook is that’s being thrown around and the “it looks good for this reason and that reason” and what it all means.  BUT….we just got word that as of today, the sale of our house is postponed.  It WILL NOT sell on Friday!  That is a fact, and I’m hanging on to that fact.

Hallelujah!

We still don’t have  clear idea of what happens next.  We have not been able to do anything about the loan and trying to get it to a point where we can actually stay here.  BUT…for right now, we have a little more time.  🙂

God’s not done with us yet here on this street.  🙂

*do a little happy dance with me*

🙂

 
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Posted by on July 19, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

Grasping at straws

There was a time yesterday as I sat on my front porch where I tried to find a straw to hang onto.  I tried to find the loophole that would stall the sale out another month.  “Where is it?  Where is it?  It’s got to be here….somewhere.”  But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t find one.  I looked at my friend and said, “no matter how hard I try….it’s just not there.”  As far as I can tell, there is no loophole.  There is no straw.  The bank will either choose to negotiate with us, or it won’t.  If it chooses to not negotiate, our house will sell on July 22nd.  I want to find that straw, that….something, that will make it not so.  It’s just not there.

If I take my heart family across the street out the equation, I could really be excited about the possibilities!  I mean…think about it….”Where on this earth do you want us to go God?  What do you want us to do?”  The world could be our playground!  We could re-invent ourselves wherever he sends us…being the same family, but with a new mission in life.  How cool would that be?  To break all strings, all the things of the past, and start over???  To think about it that way…I could get really excited!

But throw back in this family across the street, and the community we have on our block.  My friends across the street, they are family.  We have grown so close they have become everyone’s favorite adopted family!  My kids don’t know a day without them.  They are, in essence, the only family we have that is within touching distance.  Our families have gone through everything together…and I truly do mean…..everything.  There is not a single person that knows the depth of the things we have lived out together.  To think of a day where I cannot look out and see them is….. unfathomable.

They have both told me that they can’t even go there right now.  They can’t even think about the possibility of us not being here.

I think of the other people on my street that, over the years, we have come very close to.  We’ve dug trees together, been to the hospital together, been at each others’ garage sales, and just…..lived life together.  To realize that this economy may finally hit this little tight-knit community…..I don’t want to go there either.

The only straw I can grasp onto is this:

Give me grace to see beyond this moment here

To believe that there is nothing left to fear

And that You alone are high above it all

For You my God…..are greater still…..

The Rock Church, Monroe.  9:30 and 11:30, this Sunday.  You need to be there….

 
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Posted by on July 15, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

Maker of Miracles

This weekend our church is introducing a new worship song called “Maker of Miracles.”  I have fallen in love with this song, and all that it conveys.  Last night, my mind couldn’t stop running around in circles.  But at every turn, I would hear the words of this song reverberate deep in my heart.

You still give sight to the blind.  Heal the broken and provide.  Yes, I believe You’re the maker of miracles.  You still open ears to hear, and silence all my doubt and fear.  Yes, I believe You’re the maker of miracles.  I believe love never fails.  I believe Your power prevails.  I believe hope never dies.  And I believe faith is alive.  I believe You conquered the grave.  I believe You’re living today.  I believe You set me free.  And I believe You live in me.

My mind couldn’t stop last night because, it seems, the time has come.  All these months we’ve had the threat of losing our house in the back of our brain.  We filed Bankruptcy, and that stalled it out for a few short months.  The trustee has now told the bank that it can sell our house, and the sale date is July 22nd.  We have hired a lawyer and are trying to negotiate with the bank, but so far, his calls have gone unanswered.  If we do not hear from the bank, and start a conversation between lawyers, our house will almost certainly sell at a foreclosure auction on July 22nd.

Big…..deep…..gigantic…..sigh.

Am I scared?

Yes.

I couldn’t stop last night thinking about all the things we would need to sell in order to leave this house, and all that we would lose.  The questions of “Where will we go?  What will we do?” kept turning and turning inside my head.  I don’t like unknowns, and this is a big one.

Yes, I am scared.  I do not like this.

But I will NOT sit here and feel sorry for us, or try to gain sympathy for our situation.

I WILL put my foot down in FAITH that it will all be taken care of.

I am human, and cannot control these wonderful emotions that God has placed inside of me.  I get scared….I get anxious.

But I still know….way deeper than all of the doubt and fear…that it will be okay.  We will be taken care of.  Even if we lose everything….we have not lost HIM.  He will be with us forever.

The song “Maker of Miracles” will fade into another wonderful song this weekend called “The Greatness of Our God.”  These words too keep running in my brain.  I cannot stop them, nor do I want to.  I will cling to what I know right now…

Give me grace to see beyond this moment here.  To believe that there is nothing left to fear. That You alone are high above it all.  For you my God, are great still.  No sky contains, no doubt restrains all You are, The greatness of our God.  I spend my life to know, and I’m far from close to all you are.  The greatness of our God.  And there is nothing that could ever separate us from Your love.  No life, no death, of this I am convinced that You my God, are greater still…….

In this exact moment God, give me eyes to see beyond.  Give me strength to believe past this.  Because no matter what happens, I know that You are greater than all of it.  There is nothing that can compare to your vast love for us.  Nothing can contain your power.  You are greater than all of these circumstances.  To say anything else would be to put you in a box, and there is simply nothing that can contain you.  No matter what happens, I know…..that you are greater….still.

Are you in need of a touch from God?  Do you need to be reminded that he is a Maker of Miracles, and that he is above all your circumstances?  Then come to The Rock Church this Sunday.  9:30 and 11:30.    I hope to see you there.

 
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Posted by on July 14, 2011 in Crohn's Journal