Grasping at straws

15 Jul

There was a time yesterday as I sat on my front porch where I tried to find a straw to hang onto.  I tried to find the loophole that would stall the sale out another month.  “Where is it?  Where is it?  It’s got to be here….somewhere.”  But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t find one.  I looked at my friend and said, “no matter how hard I try….it’s just not there.”  As far as I can tell, there is no loophole.  There is no straw.  The bank will either choose to negotiate with us, or it won’t.  If it chooses to not negotiate, our house will sell on July 22nd.  I want to find that straw, that….something, that will make it not so.  It’s just not there.

If I take my heart family across the street out the equation, I could really be excited about the possibilities!  I mean…think about it….”Where on this earth do you want us to go God?  What do you want us to do?”  The world could be our playground!  We could re-invent ourselves wherever he sends us…being the same family, but with a new mission in life.  How cool would that be?  To break all strings, all the things of the past, and start over???  To think about it that way…I could get really excited!

But throw back in this family across the street, and the community we have on our block.  My friends across the street, they are family.  We have grown so close they have become everyone’s favorite adopted family!  My kids don’t know a day without them.  They are, in essence, the only family we have that is within touching distance.  Our families have gone through everything together…and I truly do mean…..everything.  There is not a single person that knows the depth of the things we have lived out together.  To think of a day where I cannot look out and see them is….. unfathomable.

They have both told me that they can’t even go there right now.  They can’t even think about the possibility of us not being here.

I think of the other people on my street that, over the years, we have come very close to.  We’ve dug trees together, been to the hospital together, been at each others’ garage sales, and just…..lived life together.  To realize that this economy may finally hit this little tight-knit community…..I don’t want to go there either.

The only straw I can grasp onto is this:

Give me grace to see beyond this moment here

To believe that there is nothing left to fear

And that You alone are high above it all

For You my God…..are greater still…..

The Rock Church, Monroe.  9:30 and 11:30, this Sunday.  You need to be there….

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Posted by on July 15, 2011 in Crohn's Journal


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