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Jesus, be the center….

14 Oct

I went to sleep and woke up today singing the line from this song, “Jesus be the center of it all.”  It’s a great song.  Simple, yet deeply personal.

Right now, my “personal” includes poop, and not enough of it.  I’ve got a little girl who is stopped up, and who is afraid to go to the bathroom because she remembers the pain of the past.  What I try to tell her is that the more she keeps the bad stuff inside, the worse she will feel.  But she just doesn’t understand that.  All she can remember is the pain.  And so here I sit…cleaning poop off the stairs, the floor, the tub, and her, over and over and over again.  Laundry loads keep coming because of the messes left in the clothes.  She screams in pain…yet there’s nothing I can do but hug and give her my eyes.  This is my “center” right now, where I need Jesus to be present.  My own triggers come easier when I’m distracted, tired, and hurting inside because of the pain of another.  My center seems…..off center.  So my cry just keeps being, “Jesus be the center of my life….right now.”

Sometimes the junk of our lives reflects what I’m going through right now.  The bad, ugly, smelly stuff just keeps piling on us, in us, and around us.  We can’t see much past the brown and the pain.  We want to move forward but are afraid because all we can remember is that excruciating pain that held us back.  We just think we’ve got it cleaned up when we step in another pile.  We get tired of fighting so much, yet know we can’t give up.  It’s not just our life that is at stake, though at times it seems we are so alone in the battle.  Others around us need what we’ve been given.  So we keep fighting, keep moving.  We keep cleaning the poop off our feet, and our hearts, because we know we’ve been given a mission in life to heal, to touch, to bring the freedom to others that we’ve been given.

My girl doesn’t understand right now what she needs.  It’s my job, as mom, to gently guide her in the right direction.  But in the end…all I can do is offer my help.  She needs to make the decision to move forward, despite the pain.  She needs to decide that the freedom that’s on the other side is worth fighting for.

My job is to keep singing, “Jesus be the center of our lives,” and trusting that he will take care of my little girl…..and her mama who loves her oh so much.

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2 Comments

Posted by on October 14, 2011 in Crohn's Journal

 

2 responses to “Jesus, be the center….

  1. Rose

    October 14, 2011 at 7:24 pm

    Have you had your little girl checked out by a doctor for inflammatory bowel disease as it can run in families. Perhaps this is why she has had so much pain. Rose

     
  2. newfoundsun

    October 14, 2011 at 9:12 pm

    No, not yet. I think her pain today was partly hunger, as she has not eaten much the last 3 days. Dr. appointment in a few weeks and maybe we’ll do some tests after that. She’s fine most times. The last time this happened this bad was over a year ago, so it’s not a huge recurring problem. It just stinks when it backs up. 🙂

     

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