June 27, 2013
“We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.” (Psalm 33:20)
Thoughts: We wait not in despair or anger, but instead with an eager hope for all He will do.
Truths: God is my Rock eternal in whom I will choose to put my hope. I woke up weepy, feeling torn apart and alone. I opened my bible straight to this. HE is my hope, my strength, and my shield. I trust in HIM.
I have found these past two months that I’ve learned how to cheat. At eating. And it’s not entirely good. Though….I must say, it’s not bad all the times in terms of pain. It used to be that, when I would cheat (which in the first 2 years of treating Crohn’s with diet and natural medicine was almost nil), I would get some severe gas pains pretty soon afterwards. After hitting the 2 year mark, I decided to give myself some leeway in terms of food.
Now, bread, I’m still good at. I don’t eat hardly any starches in the way of rice, breads, crackers, etc. They just don’t appeal to me anymore.
My weakness is, and always has been, baked goods. Give me a chocolate chip cookie, or cake, or muffin, and I’m there.
The problem now is that my shut-off valve is completely non-existent. I can say NO pretty easily to these treats, and just not go there. But once I start, I cannot stop. Seriously. All self control is simply….gone.
To make matters worse, my body seems to, at times, not be in pain after these cheating episodes. This is very bad for me. When I know I’m going to be in pain, it’s easier to say no. But when I don’t have much pain, well….what’s to stop me???
It’s a turkey shoot really, if my body will react badly. That’s not the danger part though. I have a pretty high tolerance, and so the pain I can usually just breathe through until it passes.
The bad part is what cheating does on the inside. It’s the slow death of my intestines that will hurt me, in the end, if I’m not careful. It was easy to take everything out of my diet before in order to get healthy. The danger here is that, if I don’t stop or watch what I’m doing, the bad bugs will slowly eat away at my gut and then I’ll find myself right back where I started. Only, getting healthy will be that much harder.
There are times where I sigh, and wonder if it wouldn’t just be better to take the magic pill that would allow me to eat anything I want. But then, there are the side-effects of that, and the underlying question of if I’m really all that much more healthy. I don’t think I would be, though it would be nice to eat more stuff. I guess it’s a trade-off. Healthy body for life instead of the instant gratification a certain food might bring.
And yet again I find myself saying….I need to get back to what I know.
Easier said than done.
I need to find my “No” again.
Especially to those drat baked goods that look so amazing, and taste even better. 🙂
Three weeks ago I decided to spend an intentional hour each morning reading and praying before my household woke up. I wanted to draw deeper, and closer, to God. I also just needed His strength, provision, and Word in some areas of my life. I was already getting up early and reading the Bible each morning, but my prayers would oftentimes be short and quick because I would be thinking of getting to the computer and checking in on the world. I wasn’t truly giving my whole mind to the time I was spending with Him. I wanted to put a boundary on myself, and be honest and faithful to God with my time.
Boy, it’s amazing the things that have come against me in the past 3 weeks! Exhaustion, sickness, busyness, depression…..oh my goodness! When I set out to do this I had no idea the lengths the enemy would go to to keep me from my appointment time with God. I think the toughest to battle against has been the exhaustion. Each morning, as another night would go by without the sleep I needed, it was harder and harder to drag myself out of bed in the morning. What took me only 20 minutes to read 3 weeks ago is now taking me almost twice that because my eyes can’t hardly focus on the page.
But I find myself one night away from my 3 week goal. I must say, even with the struggles, I have loved it. I love the quiet of my house, and I love getting to know the Word better. I love the story. I’ve had so many times in my life when just the right scripture has been read at the exact moment I needed it to be. This time has been no different. Encouragement is only a page away…..
Why do I say all this, late at night, when I should be in bed so I can get up tomorrow??? 🙂
I guess as a word of encouragement to press on. When we decide to draw closer to God, the enemy has a hissy fit. He really doesn’t like what we are doing at all! And he’s going to put all sorts of blocks in our way to try and make us stumble. Those things we wish were never in our lives again…suddenly start popping up. But it’s in those times of struggle that we need to draw even closer to our God. We need to lean in to him, like you would lean into a strong wind. If we let all the little things get to us, or get down at ourselves for failing at the task, then the enemy has won.
I myself don’t want to give that to him, so I put my foot down! I say, “BE DONE!” and “BE GONE!”
So if you are struggling, tired, depressed, sick, whatever….what are you waiting for? Are you tired of being beat up yet? Then PRESS ON! Keep going. Don’t let the little things get you down. Don’t even let the big things get you down. Why not?
Because God has got them ALL under control…..big or little.
Press in to Him…..and see how He will meet you where you need Him most.
It’s said in the Bible that if you have just a small amount of faith, anything is possible. I grew up with that verse, knowing it inside and out. And yet, I don’t think I really believed it until recently. I don’t know how the change occurred….what happened that flipped the switch inside of me to suddenly believe God for what He says in His word. But I do. I just…..trust Him.
And yet, I find myself in a quandary. I find that I can believe for the big things, but sometimes have trouble for the little. A month ago I looked at a friend who was paralyzed on the right side and unable to speak after suffering a stroke, and said, “You are going to walk out of this hospital, and you’ll be fine.” I believed it to the core of who I was. There was no question in my heart that God would heal her. Ten days later she walked out of the hospital, and you wouldn’t know it by looking at her that anything had happened. God healed. Period.
I can believe for the healing. I can believe for the big things. I know God is going to take care of our house situation. I know that His plan is at work in our financial situation. I know that it’s going to be okay. I know that this Crohn’s is already taken care of by Him. I know all these big things are under His hand, and so I don’t have to worry about them. I DON’T worry about them.
Where I struggle though, and where I’m praying through right now, is to believe God in the small things. Namely….relationships. I’m asking God to strengthen my heart in the belief that He will fill that need within me.
It seems like such a trivial thing, when compared to praying and believing for healing or a roof over your head. I mean….HELLO!…..it’s just people, right? You can live without them, right?
And yet, I find myself surrendering over and over and over again the people in my life, and my “right” to relationship.
God made us for fellowship. He made us for relationship. He made me, for goodness sakes! Why is this so hard for me….to believe that He is going to work all things for His good in the relationships in my life? That He is going to put the people in my life that I need?
Because I have been hurt by people. We all have. Each and every one of us can point to at least one person that stuck a dagger in our heart so deep we never thought we’d ever get it out. Betrayal, rejection, anger, pain….these are all things that happen in relationship. People hurt us. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.
So, that’s where my struggle with faith is, and what I’m praying for, right now. I want to believe God and have a deeper faith that He will fill me with the relationships that He knows I need. Not the ones I want……those come from my heart and, while not necessarily bad, might not be in His design.
But to have faith and believe that He will supply me with ALL my needs….including the deep need in my heart to be known….takes a whole lot of work. It means being patient while He sets up the situation. It means being alone for a time……probably one of my greatest fears. It means depending on HIM, and only HIM, to fill my heart and my needs. Yes, He puts people in our lives to be in relationship with, to grow us, to minister to us. But in the end, what I’m learning, is that only HE knows my need at any given moment, and only HE knows how to fill that need. Sometimes it will be with a friend who sits and listens. Other times it will be in silence and prayer with only HIM to listen.
Either way……I’m learning to trust Him in this. I’m learning to let Him fill me up. I’m learning to trust Him in the people He puts in my life, and the level of relationship He wants me to have with those people.
I believe for the physical needs so easily.
Lord, help me believe on that same level, and deeper, that you will also take care of my heart needs.
I took a test quite a few years ago that was supposed to tell us if we are task-oriented or people-oriented. It might (or might not!) surprise you….but I came up high on the “task-oriented” side. Back then, I was totally driven by the goal at hand….what needed to be done to accomplish a task, regardless of who was in the way. And, if I’m honest, I’ll tell you that I still come home to the “list.” Give me a problem and ask me to find all the points necessary to solve it, and I’m good to go. Hand me a list and ask me to follow it to completion, and I’m heaven. My brain just tends to relax when given a task that I can organize through and complete. In my core nature, I am a detail person.
But…..I’ve worked very hard over the years to be more balanced in the task vs. people debate. I realized years back that it’s not all about the end, but also what’s encountered in the middle, that counts. People matter, and I want to be sensitive to the people side of things. So many times we (and I’ve been guilty of this in the past) can go so fast towards a goal we forget about all people we encounter along the way. And yet, if we slow down and take a moment with someone that God places in our path at that exact moment, the blessing received (or given) can often be more satisfying than completing the task at hand.
The one thing that bothers me the most about this Crohn’s is the lack of energy. Yes, I can push my way through just about anything, and not many people will see the tiredness in my eyes at any given moment. But what I really dislike is that, in those moments of extreme tiredness, I go back to the “list.” Sometimes it is the only way I can make it through the day….to create a list of things to get done and work my way through it. Last night, my daughter hugged me and her heart was tender. The past two days have been filled with exhaustion, and lists. I could feel her heart, and she needed mommy to be done with the lists. I stopped, took a moment, and reconnected with her heart. The exhaustion of this disease got to me, but in the process I forgot to take care of my kids’ hearts.
Not a big ouch, but still…..
It just reminds me that, even with being tired or not feeling well, I cannot ignore the people that are given to me at any given moment. We do not know when they will be called home. Yes, I can still work on my “lists” in order to get done the stuff that needs to get done. But I need to be sensitive to the hearts of those I encounter. I need to wait on God, and listen for His voice, guiding me in the direction He needs me to go at that moment. He’s not going to send me around the world when I am already exhausted. But He can and will use my heart, my smile, my words, my….whatever in order to accomplish His goal in someone’s heart.
I’ve learned a better balance over the years of task vs. people. Now….it’s just allowing God to use both of those in my life, for His glory.
Well folks, it’s been fun. But, it’s time to take a break from this blog. It served it’s purpose…to journal my initial journey with Crohn’s and how I dealt with it naturally, and how I’ve come back to life through the diagnosis. Now, I just need to take this off my plate, and not feel the pressure to write. I will continue, at some point in time, to journal here. But right now, I’m frankly bored of writing about Crohn’s, and am having difficulty finding my writing voice for other things.
So, I’m placing this blog on hold.
I may still write an occasional entry….when things come. And please, feel free to use this blog as a resource for yourself or others you know who are desiring to treat diseases naturally. I’ve blogged my entire journey, from the first moment I found out the diagnosis of Crohn’s, in the hopes that it will continue to give people courage to look beyond what’s in front of them and dig deeper.
I hope that you will stop back by, in a couple of weeks or so, to see if I’ve come back. I have lots of words that I want to share. I simply need to take the time and ponder and pray about how to reshape this blog for what’s on my heart.
Until then…thank you for reading, and may God bless your own journey through this life with all that He desires to give you.
Oh, this was soooo not good. I was asked to substitute Kindergarten in the morning today, so I only packed a small snack of almonds and not a full lunch, thinking I would be home and have some soup. I was only at school for an hour when I was asked to sub for a 6th grade teacher in the afternoon that had an emergency. Of course I said yes, but that left me needing to have energy enough to teach for an entire day….on just a handful on almonds. Overall, that doesn’t sound like a bad day. But…..I of course needed more fuel for my body…coffee wouldn’t get me all the way through….and then the donuts showed up. A girl in the 6th grade class had a birthday, and the treats her parents brought in were maple donuts. Yep….that’s not good for me! I tried to resist, and actually told the guy I could only eat a little. He said to take a whole one because the rest would just be thrown away. So, I took a full doughnut. I ate half. Then had some coffee, applesauce, and carrots. I could have survived on just that. But….the other half of the doughnut just stared at me on the desk. I finally couldn’t say no, and ate the rest. It was oh so good….but I can feel a bit of cramping going on now, a few hours later. I knew I would pay the price, but…part of me wants to say it was understandable….I had to get through the day, right??? But, in reality, it won’t be worth it. In the short-term, with my body, and in the long-term, with my willpower to resist, knowing I’ve broken down yet again. I got through the day, but at what price? I guess we’ll see later tonight and tomorrow. I have learned my lesson though. I will get some granola bars that I know I can eat, and will keep them in my car for those moments I am away from home, and need to get something to eat. I can’t turn down work, but need to make concessions for my diet needs.
So I’m looking back, remembering what I did after that first step of eating mostly Chicken Soup for three weeks. I don’t need to revisit this for my own health…I just figured it was a good thing to go back over those steps, in case anyone is needing some help in where to start.
After the clean-out of Chicken Soup, I did a few things that helped me tremendously. The first was to start a food/symptom journal. It was just a little notebook that, every day, I would write every single little thing I ate, how much, and how it was cooked. No matter how trivial, I wrote it down. I also kept track of BM’s through the day, their consistency, and any other symptoms like gas or cramping. I did this for the first year before I really felt I had a handle on what I could/couldn’t eat at this point in my journey. By using a food journal I was able to track when I had a bad reaction to something and pinpoint what it was that caused the problem. Sometimes a problem would manifest itself within the first couple of hours. But at other times it would manifest days later, and there simply was no way I could remember what I had to eat 3 days prior, and all the time in between, that might have caused a problem! With the food journal, it also kept my brain always conscious of the food I was eating, and how it was affecting me. It put it in the forefront of my brain, so I was always thinking of it. Not ideal….to always have to think of your food. But it worked for that time until I knew what was safe and wasn’t.
The other thing I did, as I mentioned in a previous post, was to only try one new item every 4-7 days. Food can take, from what I understand, a couple days to work it’s way through your body, and so by being very slow and cautious, I was able to see what I could tolerate. When I tried a new food I also would not eat too much of it at one sitting until I knew IF I could eat it, HOW it needed to prepared for me to digest it well, and HOW MUCH I could tolerate. Once I got a handle on the foods (which took most of the first year) I started to introduce new spices. A few at first, and then once I realized I could tolerate pretty much the normal spices, I stopped worrying about it. Now, almost 2 1/2 years later, I know what my “safe” foods are that I can always go back to if I’m having problems. I can also branch out a bit, if I have the time, and try new stuff.
My diet is still pretty boring, and I wish all the time I could have more time to be creative. And I do miss certain foods….a lot. But….I’m just glad I was able to take it very slow and methodical those for 18 months until I had a good grasp on what it meant to live with this disease, not taking drugs to mask the symptoms, but changing my diet to GET RID of the symptoms. 🙂
After hearing of another person close to me being diagnosed with a digestive condition, I thought back to how I began this journey to healing foods and eating. In reality, it began with the GI doctor telling me, in my sedated-haze, that diet plays no role in Crohn’s. I had to ask him that same question 3 times, because what he was telling me just didn’t make sense. How could diet NOT play a role in how your body is dealing with foods? So, I took what he was telling me (immune suppressing drugs and steroids were the possible treatment, with no guarantee they would work), and went the opposite direction.
First, I dug into Jordan Rubin’s story of how he dealt with Crohn’s through supplements and foods. I believe it was his protocol that led me to take everything, and I mean just about everything, out of my diet for 3 weeks straight. I made this Chicken Soup , and ate it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I also had goat’s milk yogurt, Keifer milk, and lots of water. That’s it. For 3 weeks. Yes, it got boring. But it was what my body needed. With the extreme amount of inflammation that was in my gut, taking everything out and just eating easy to digest foods gave my gut a break. It allowed my system to rest, and reset. In essence, I detoxed myself from all the junk, preservatives, toxins, etc. that were running around in me. And all the natural, good-for-you ingredients in the soup helped calm the inflammation down to a point where I could build upon.
From the 3 weeks of chicken soup, I slowly began to add new foods. I would try a new food about once a week. I would cook it very soft, and not try too much. If I didn’t have a bad reaction (gas, cramps, diarrhea), then I would put it in my “safe” list. If I did have symptoms, I put it in my “no-go” list, where it sat off-limits for 6 months or so, where I might or might not try it again. In this way, I was able to work from the ground up, and create my diet that worked for me and my gut.
Looking back, I really didn’t know what I was doing in just eating the chicken soup, but it really was the best thing. If I would have tried anything else in terms of diet control, I would have been guessing each and every time if it was this spice, or that meat, or that vegetable. With literally introducing even a new spice, and that’s it, I was truly able to nail-down what I can and cannot eat.
That’s about it. That’s where I started. I keep making the Chicken Soup. I usually always have a few quarts frozen in the freezer, ready to thaw and eat. If I hear of someone being sick, I try to get them some of the soup. No, I don’t think it’s a miracle cure. I just believe in what it did for me, in letting the system rest so it can recover.
Plus, it’s just a really good, simply, soup. 🙂
We recently went on a 5 day vacation, and I had pretty good success with foods while gone from my home kitchen. Thankfully, I knew we would be staying in a condo with a full kitchen, so I knew that I could cook, once there. I’ve been able to really dial-in this past year as to how to travel with Crohn’s, and how to eat while gone in a way that does not seriously compromise all the hard work I’ve done.
First, when I travel TO somewhere, I usually have fresh fruit (a banana or an apple, which I can tolerate raw), granola bars, bakes goods that I can snack on, madjool dates, and nuts. With this combination, I can usually do just fine in the car, away from prepared food, for up to a day. If I can, I’ll bring some chicken just to give an added protein boost. And, wherever I am going, I know to prepare a BIG meal once I get there, knowing that I will be hungry! The fruits and nuts are great for me, but they just don’t replace a hot meal. 🙂
I’ve learned that when I travel, breakfast is the most important meal. I can generally get eggs cooked my way at any restaurant with lots of veggies and a side of fruit. If I’m in a location where I can cook, I do the same thing. Doing this for breakfast sets me up very well for the rest of the day. If I’m able to do a big breakfast, I can usually go light on lunch, since lunch-time is when we are generally out and about, and lunch at a restaurant can be sketchy for me. I’ll carry fresh fruit and granola bars if we are out exploring, which will generally sustain me until dinner.
Dinner is the other big meal I try to eat while on vacation. At a restaurant, I can order cooked veggies and usually some sort of meat with no sauce and minimal seasonings. Since I can eat fresh fruit, I’ll typically get a side of that as well. If I am home, or in a location where I can cook, I can make a normal meal for myself consisting of meat, fresh or cooked fruit, and veggies. This gets me through the rest of the day.
The one thing I miss while on vacation is my yogurt, and there is simply no way to replace that. If I’m traveling to family, I’ll often take a small amount with me. But if not, I just usually can’t take it. The yogurt serves two very important functions for me while on vacation: One, it continues to put the good flora back in my gut (basically, gets the good bacteria in there so the bad guys don’t take over again). Two, it serves as a snack/treat before bed. Often when on vacation, I eat to sustain, but not for taste and fulfillment. It’s just a matter of getting fuel in my body while gone, and not about it being really good or filling. The yogurt and frozen blueberries that I eat while at home is a treat each night that I savor. If I don’t have it while on vacation, I might be more tempted to cheat, which is really not good for me.
On this vacation, I was able to eat to sustain me, but once I got home I was really hungry. I made eggs and Almond Crisp once I got home, just to give me something that tasted REALLY good to me, and felt like it would be filling. I did cheat some on this trip….which I need to keep trying to curb. It doesn’t hurt me in the immediate, but will add up if I continue to do it. Basically, I had some bread at The Old Spaghetti Factory, and some breaded chicken. I think I did pretty good the rest of the time. Now that I’m home, I trying to reset, again. I don’t like how my body is acting these days. I can tell when the inflammation is up, and when things just are not as good as they could be. I believe that is directly related to my diet, and so….off to fixing my diet again I go!!!
Good grief….can’t my body just figure this stuff out? Two IV’s ago I had this massive dose of energy, so much that I felt I my body couldn’t keep up with how fast my insides were going. This time, I not only DIDN’T have energy, I had a huge crash just a few short hours after the IV. I felt crushed with how tired I felt, inside and out. Then, my joints started to ache. I know from past experience that when my inflammation is really up, I start to feel it in my joints. First, my right knee, then, if I don’t catch it and get some Tylenol, it goes to the other knee, my hips and last night, even to my right shoulder. Ugh!!! I’ll have to call the doctor and report these changes, and make sure we had the right mix. With the energy level, it could be that my body is ready to move past 50% of dosing strength in these IV’s. That would be cool. With the joint pain? I’m not sure if that was related to the IV, but I can’t think of much that I ate that would have caused a flare-up of inflammation. Hmmmm…..
At least I didn’t get a headache from this IV. Though….we might have figured out a connection. For two IV’s back in the Fall, I had a glass of wine the night I got the infusion. And then I would get a headache (I don’t normally get headaches with a glass of wine). When I mentioned it to the doctors last time, they both said the wine could be a trigger, because of the sulfites in it. I remember, when first diagnosed, that I looked up sulfites and why I should stay away from them. But now, I can’t remember why. I’ll have to look it up again, just to refresh my memory. Anyway….for the last two IV’s I have not had a glass of wine anywhere close to the infusion, and that seems to be helping. Last night I had just a nibble of a headache, but then it was gone in a flash. If we have the headaches taken care of, I might be able to up the dosage, and then maybe even spread these out a bit. I don’t like being tied to a chair for an hour every 3 weeks with a needle in my arm. I’ve got stuff to do!!! 🙂
At dinner the other night I asked my kiddos, almost 8 years old and 9, what they thought of when I said the word “courage”? We pray for courage all the time, but I wanted to get a grasp of their understanding of what the word means. I loved their answers….and the surprise I realized later.
They both said, initially, that courage was standing up to things and not running away. They are in a public school, and so their thoughts turn to standing up to bullies, or speaking the truth when something is going wrong instead of being quiet.
But what surprised me is that neither one of them said that courage was a lack of fear. As a child, I would think that “fear” and “courage” would be in the same sentence. Instead, when I probed a little further, they both said that you can have courage in life to face the hard things because of the belief that God is on your side, and he will take care of you. So in essence, you don’t NEED to fear, because God is bigger than it all!
YES!!!
I love that both of my kids, at such a young age, understand the reality that God loves them so deeply that He will take care of them, no matter what they face. I love that they can have that kind of courageous faith to believe what the Word of God says, and believe that He is right there with them. This deep seeded strength is what I have wanted for years, as I have prayed over them nightly for courage. I want them to stand strong, no matter what comes in life, knowing that with God on your side, all things are possible. I think they have a good start on this. 🙂
The last thing we discussed was this question that I posed to them: Being that Jesus was fully God AND fully human, did he feel fear before he went to the cross? NO…my kiddos said. When I asked them why, this is what they said: “He was doing what he knew he was destined to do. When you are being who God has made you to be, there is no need to fear. You can be full of courage in ANY situation because God is with you.”
Out of the mouths of babes….
AMEN! 🙂
Okay, the holiday’s are over, life is back to normal. It is time to reset. I’ve had a ton of words running through my head over the past month that I’ve wanted to blog on, but just didn’t have the time or energy. I’m taking this opportunity to tell, mostly myself, that it’s time to start writing again.
There is a ton going on in our life that I want to write about. So many steps forward. In a couple of years my husband and I will be 40, and yet we have had a re-birth of our lives this past year. I’m looking forward to writing about that journey more, and about where it is in the present, and looks like it could be in the future. Pretty cool stuff, if not a bit scary at times…..
I will also continue to blog about this journey with Crohn’s, although those posts are pretty slim these days. Things continue to be about the same, and so I don’t want to bore people with posts on health updates that continually say the same thing. Still, when things happen, I will try to be diligent to write about them. I’m finding more people who are saying no to the major drugs to treat this disease, and doing pretty good using the Specific Carbohydrate Diet like myself in order to gain some control. I think it’s important for us that have gone “off the grid” medically to document, however we can, how this disease is helped (or hurt) by alternative medicine. (I put in the “hurt” part because not every disease can be treated naturally, I believe, and there are some treatments out there that could actually harm a person if not done appropriately or with correct supervision by a professional.) There is legitimacy to the drugs that are out there, but I think a broader view of treating diseases is needed. Instead of being looked at like a crazy person when someone mentions treating a disease with something other than a manufactured drug, I hope that the person would be at least listened to, and not scorned or laughed at. So….I will continue to write about this disease, and how it’s is progressing/regressing without medicine.
All in all, it’s a good time in our lives. I look forward to getting back to sharing it with you. Stay tuned! 🙂
Oh, I have never wished I had a stomach bug more than i did last night!!! Short story…I ended up in the bathroom for hours with liquid coming out of both ends. A couple times I had pretty bad stomach cramps, shaking, dizziness, and extreme racing heart. I ended up sleeping on the floor for a time, in the bathroom, knowing that I shouldn’t go far.
Why, you might ask, did I wish it was “just” a stomach bug? Because with a stomach bug I know it will end…eventually. But as I sat there last night, I had the terrifying thought that this could be the start of a bad Crohn’s flare. The thing with a flare up of Crohn’s is that you never know how long it will last, or how bad it will get. Yuck!
Thankfully, this does just seem to be the bug that is going around. It lasted for just a few hours. I was able to sleep. My body is tired today and my stomach is tender. But….those are all things I would expect from a stomach bug. Regardless, I will be eating soft foods and chicken soup for a few days. My body fought off this bug pretty well, but I need to do my part to help it heal.
Oh, one last thing. It seems a bit funny now, as I look back at last night. But in all honesty, there is only one way I got through those hours. I believe in the power of speaking scripture over your life and situation. Last night I could only think of one thing, and I said it over and over and over again. Through the anxiety, the yuck coming out, and the pain that was within, I just kept saying the verse from Psalm 27: “I will remain confident in this…..I WILL see the goodness of the Lord!!!”
🙂
I’m always amazed at my energy level after getting an IV drip. It’s like a caffeine rush, but without the jitters. I wonder…is this just a normal amount of energy that a normal, healthy person usually has? For me, it’s like my body wants to run everywhere, and never get tired, and not stop for hours. Typing here, I keep making mistakes because my hands can’t type as fast as my brain is going. 🙂 It’s a good feeling, trust me! I like feeling that I have the energy to tackle the laundry, dishes, kids, homework, work, husband, etc. and not have to constantly tap in to my reserves of energy to do it. Take these past two days for instance: I was a substitute teacher in a Life Skills class for two days. I’ve come to love and appreciate these special kids for who they are and what they can do. But….it takes a ton of energy. Keeping them on task, watching out for the physical attacks that can come when one of them gets angry, watching for those that like to run away or touch everything when they shouldn’t, cleaning after eating, potty breaks/accidents, and on it goes. There is a constant stream of things and kids that need attention when working in these classes. Normally, the day after (which is today) I would be crushed with tiredness. Not today! I had the IV, and I’m feeling like I can actually get the huge pile of laundry and dishes done, as well as possibly give my own two kiddos the piano lesson that we’ve been needing to do for 2 weeks. Having the IV simply means……that I can be me again, if only for a day.
The crash will come from this, probably tonight or tomorrow. It always does. My body is messed up/injured enough inside that the energy won’t stay for long. But that’s okay. I’ll take what I can get…..
On the technical note…..we backed the dosage back down to 50% strength. 3 weeks ago we bumped it up just a few percentage points, and I got headaches again. We don’t want that, so back down we go to a level we know I can handle. I really wish my body could tolerate more. I really want to be getting the full dosage of these good things each time. But for now, I guess I’ll just appreciate what I am able to do, and move on with life. 🙂
Oh….we took blood today. My thyroid antibodies were up 3 months ago, meaning the Hashimoto’s was flared up and attacking again. We also tested for white blood cells, which I guess were low last time. Hopefully everything will look good and things will be getting back to normal. I’ll let you know!!!
Okay, silly title. But sitting here at a bit before midnight, unable to sleep, I needed some humor. We went out to a Mexican restaurant for the first time in I don’t know how long today. I love Mexican food, and have missed it a ton these past two years. Well, I’m not missing it now!
I will admit that, having passed two years with Crohn’s and on the SCD diet, I’ve slipped a bit. I’ve taken up the attitude that “a little won’t hurt me.” Especially this past week, with Thanksgiving, my determination to stay strong and stay away from foods I am pretty certain are not good for me has weakened. I guess it’s a good thing that my system is in rebellion. Maybe it will get me back on track, like I’ve been for two years. Fanatical almost at times with how strong I was in staying the course. But today, it’s just showed me that this disease is still here, still lurking, and I need to be very diligent….still.
My body aches. It almost feels like arthritis type of pain, not flu-like. It’s in the joints of my knees and hips. Lying down is not very comfortable, so trying to sleep wasn’t working. This is way off from normal for me. I don’t have aches and pains. I have a headache….I’ve had a lot more of them since I’ve been cheating these past 3 weeks. My stomach hurts a bit. The gurgles have calmed down, but there is a dull ache in the lower abs. This I have felt a few times in the past, and it is a typical sign that something is not right. Crampy…that’s a good word. And I don’t get cramps…….things just don’t feel right.
What did I eat? I ate probably 1/2 a tortilla chip with about 1/2 teaspoon refried beans and salsa. Mark had shrimp fajitas, so I thought I could have just some of the shrimp and veggie mixture…..no tortillas. I had like 3 shrimp and 1/3 cup of the veggies. A fork-ful of spanish rice and refried beans. I used to love just that….with chips or tortillas. Since I was a kid that’s what I always went towards. That’s about it. Of course, they cook the fajitas in their own special sauce. That I KNOW wasn’t okay, but again, I thought it would be okay with just a small amount. Apparently not. That’s all I ate. Really. Ugh…….
Guess I’ll go take a Tylenol and try to lay down again. I was just about asleep, and then my dog decided he needed to go outside. Wonderful…….
At least my family room has been decorated for Christmas…..in my head. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll have enough energy to do it for real……..
Sigh……..sometimes, I just miss being able to eat without fear.
A staple in my house is this recipe, which is for crackers made with almonds (I cannot eat any store-bought crackers). This works great for me when I need a crunchy, salty treat. I’ve also used these for taco night, pizza night, a quick snack with almond butter and honey, and a bunch of other things. I love it that they are so versatile!!! My husband also loves them, and my kids clamor for them whenever I make them. A win-win recipe, for sure!
So last night my daughter mentioned garlic bread. Since I cannot have your typical garlic bread, I decided to take my basic Quick Cracker recipe and modify it to see if I could get a garlicky-bread flavor. I added some fresh parsley to it, but you could add whatever herb you want to mix the flavor up a bit. I loved this version, though my husband likes them the normal way (he likes them simple, which just butter on top!).
Here’s the recipe:
Simply add everything together and mix well. Then lay out a sheet of parchment paper cut to the size of your rectangle cookie sheet. Put the mixture on the paper, then put another sheet of parchment paper on top. Take a rolling pin and roll the mixture until it is pretty thin, but even, and is about the same size as the cookie sheet. Take the top sheet of parchment paper off, place the other one with the rolled out mixture on it onto the cookie sheet, and pop it in the oven at 350 for about 10 minutes. Check on it at 10 minutes. You want the edges to be turning a good brown, so bake for another 2-3 minutes until they are brown and the middle looked slightly less brown. Be careful though as this can get overdone easily, and isn’t as tasty. If you undercook it, the crackers simply won’t be as crunchy.
No, it’s NOT the day I was born onto this earth! Yesterday was the date of 2 years living with Crohn’s. I at first wanted to title this “Happy Anniversary!” but decided on Happy Birthday instead. Why, you might ask? Well, a few reasons……
Even though two years ago I was given a diagnosis of a disease that would change such a fundamental part of my life- eating- this is an occasion to celebrate. For two years I’ve relied on a strength beyond me to maintain a way of life that has changed the course of this disease. I went against what the doctors said I needed to do in order to live with this disease. They said steroids and immunosuppresants. They said I would be on these powerful drugs for the rest of my life, living each day/week/month/year just hoping that a serious flare would not happen. They said that, in the course of this disease, I would likely need more and more powerful drugs as the years went on, and would most likely end up having surgery, multiple times, to take out areas of my colon. At 35, I was given a diagnosis of not a fatal disease that would kill me in a short amount of time, but was a slow disease that would erode my body, and my way of life.
Um….no.
What they said didn’t sit well with me. I didn’t believe that diet played NO role in this disease. I also believed that God was guiding me on a different path. I also KNEW that the only way I would get through these first moments, and years, would be His strength and determination inside of me.
So, yes, I say “Happy Birthday!” to me! I celebrate not the disease, but the LIFE that I have found in living with this disease. I don’t believe, as a child of God, that He wants me sick, but I do believe that He will use these opportunities to teach us more about Him, and about ourselves. As I rely more and more upon Him, even in the simple things of life such as pooping :), I find more and more how He is with me, and always has been.
Happy Birthday to me, to this disease, to this….opportunity to show people who is with me, each and every day.
Well rats. This is the third IV I’ve had since being able to get back on them. Last year I stopped because of money, and headaches that they were giving me. This time we bumped up the dosage just a titch, and I woke up with a headache in the middle of the night. It’s still here. Not as bad as what a full dose would give me, but I’m still disappointed that it’s here. It tells me that my body is still not tolerating something in the IV’s, which stinks. There is so much in them that my body could really use to keep everything under control, that I was hoping not to have any bad reactions. Stink……
Ah well…the headache should be gone by tonight, if the past is any indication. I just called the doctor to tell them about this complication, so that when I get my next IV in 3 weeks we can dial the dose back to 1/2, or just be aware and watch it. I’ll also get my blood drawn on that day to do thyroid tests, which I’m excited about. I want to see if these IV’s have actually calmed the little buggers down that have been attacking me these past few months….. 🙂
These past couple of days have been very, very busy. The one thing I find most challenging in times like these in dealing with Crohn’s is what to eat when I’m on the go. Most often I will have a granola bar and fresh fruit handy that I can grab and go. But there are times, like this week, where there seems to be nothing I can eat. I’m not great at pre-cooking food to take along, and pre-thinking what I will need for the coming few days. So…..often times I just don’t eat if there is nothing safe. Yuck….I don’t like being hungry.
I also don’t like how, since I’ve been so good for almost 2 years, it feels like it’s easier to slip and eat something I shouldn’t. Especially when I’m really hungry….it’s much harder to say no. Take for instance all the kids’ Halloween candy. It’s there…calling me. I know I love it. I know that it doesn’t necessarily love my gut. I resisted, for the most part. But even at that I’ve eaten more candy this week than in the past 2 years combined. Thankfully it has not been very bad on my system. That is NOT to say that, while on SCD, you can eat more candy. I just happened to slip this week and have not had that bad of results. I will keep telling myself though that I need to be careful. I know that I can’t shut off my sweet tooth and cravings for baked goods very well, and know that if I give myself an inch, soon I’ll be taking the whole rope. Then…well, life might not feel so good for a time!
Anyway….I’m taking some time to take care of me this morning. The sink is overflowing with dishes. The family needs clean clothes. The house is a mess. But…..I need some time for me. I might make some portable foods for me to take this weekend, since the busyness continues for the next couple of days. I think I’ve pushed my system about as far as I can push it, and need to just be a bit more aware and rein things in. I’m not feeling any particular side-effects of the past few days. I just know my body, and know I need to listen a bit more closely right now in order to avoid the things I don’t want to happen……
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