Remember Chabba….

Every now and again I remember Chabba Salvador, the man I met in the dump at Puerto Vallarata this past summer.  If you don’t know the story….I went on a mission trip with my church to help the people who live and work around the old dump of this vast tourist city.  We fed people and loved them for the short time we were there.  We were all impacted by what we saw.  One man in particular struck in my heart.  His name is Chabba.  The very first time I saw him, I knew there was something different about him.  Even though he was dirty from digging through trash, I had to go up and shake his hand.  We talked, albeit in small words and short phrases because my Spanish was very basic and his English was even more so.  But still, I was able to hear part of his story.  He is a man with a family who wakes up every day, thanking God for his daily bread.  Literally, he trusts that each day God is going to give his family enough to eat that day.  The smile on his face told me that he had full confidence in his God.  Even though he worked in a dump of all places, making pitiful amounts of money each night, he was so extremely grateful for all that he was given.  There was absolutely no question in his heart that God would take care of him.

When things get tough, I remember Chabba.  He taught me so much.  I have so much compared to him, yet the simplicity of his faith, of his trust in God, is something I admire immensely.  The rock-solid belief in a God who loves him and wants to take care of him is outstanding.  In my life, I want that confidence each and every minute that I live.  Most days and times I am strong in that faith, and do not lack in the assurance of the provisions of my God.  There are times though where our feet get weary.  We don’t lose hope, but we just need our Saviour to come and carry us for a time.

When my heart gets weary, and I ask my Jesus to carry me for a time, I remember Chabba, and his smile.  I remember the second time we spoke, under the starry sky with the pile of garbage in the background.  Words almost fail me as I try to capture that moment.  In the vastness of this world, I was sent to find a man I might never talk to on a normal day.  Yet God wanted to touch my heart, through this man.  As Chabba talked to me about his God who provides so much, his smile stretched across the sky.  It lit up the night brighter than any star up above.  His hands moved to emphasize the depth of the conviction of his heart.  And in his eyes, there was no weariness.  Just a twinkle that said, “I am loved by the Most High God, who sent his Son to save my soul.  What more could I need?”

Today, I choose to remember Chabba, and all that God has blessed me with.

 

WFD: Salmon, apples, broccoli

What’s For Dinner?

With my new supply of resources for food I was able to get some Salmon last week that was pretty inexpensive.  I love to have fish at least once a week, and it felt really great to get back to that for this week!  My salmon meals are often pretty simple, but are always a wonderful and filling dinner.  This is a picture of my dinner plate last night (how I ate for having Crohn’s), and here’s what I did:

Salmon: I took a nice sized fillet and broiled it for about 3 minutes first.  In the past I have not cooked salmon with the skin on (though I’ve just found out that cooking with the skin on can have it’s benefits!), and this is a great way to get it off.  After broiling for a short time, the skin just peels right off.  Tonight I took a few big pats of butter and threw them on the bottom of the pan to melt, then added two big spoonfuls of minced garlic to the butter.  I set the salmon on top of my “garlic butter.”  I then took a large lemon, first did a titch of lemon zest on top of the fillet, and then juiced the lemon right into the pan.  Finally, I drizzled probably about 1/4 cup of honey over the fish.  At 350 this took about 15 minutes to cook.

Apples: My baked apples are very simple, and thankfully my family has not gotten bored of them yet!  I took 4-5 meduim apples (various kinds), peeled them and sliced them up.  After placing them in an oven-safe dish, I drizzled about 1/4 cup of honey on top and sprinkled with cinnamon.  I cook this, lid on or off doesn’t matter, at 350 for about 20-30 minutes.  A shorter time frame will have crisper apples.  A longer time-frame will make this almost into baked applesauce as the apples will just about fall apart when you stir!

Broccoli: Of course, the broccoli is nothing fancy.  My family loves broccoli, and it’s so good for them, so I serve this as often as I can.  I’ve found that my family will eat more of it if I put a bit of cheddar cheese on top, so that’s what I do!  I simply steam them until mostly soft and then melt the butter on top.  Instant yummy veggies for my family!

Review: I had planned to serve brown rice with this meal, for my non-SCD family.  But the rice didn’t get done in time so I just eliminated it.  My kids actually didn’t even miss not having a starch for dinner!  We each just had the apples, salmon, and broccoli, and that filled us up.  I loved the flavor of the salmon tonight.  It had a tangy-sweetness that was delicious!  When I served it I took some of the juice from the bottom of the pan and drizzled it on top of the portions, and that gave an even more intense flavor.  This meal is a great example of how a person can eat a full meal without serving bread or rice or potatoes.  Our society has told us that we need something like that with our meals, but truly, most of us….don’t!  And if one is still hungry, like my son was, a second helping of veggies or fruit never hurt anyone!

 

Oh boy…..

Well shoot…..how do I write about this one?  The previous posts along this nature haven’t been too hard, but this one….I’m struggling on a bit.  I guess I just want to hide in my house, just a titch……and not say anything.

BUT……that’s not who I am anymore, so here goes.

Yesterday I took the next step in our lives and walked into a DSHS office asking for help with food and medical.  I never thought, in a million years, that I would be in the “government help” system.  They don’t call it “welfare” anymore, but that’s basically what it is.  Again, I NEVER thought I would be asking for that kind of help.  I’ve gotten used to the food bank, and that helping us out a bit, but to go there….to that office?  Way out of my comfort zone…….

I’ve spent an average of $40 on groceries, per week, the last 3 weeks.  For a family of four.  That was my food budget for just Mark and I way back in the early days of our marriage.  We’ve been making it work, but the future was not looking pretty.  Finally, my husband said to go for it.  So, I did.

I guess I wasn’t really that scared or embarrassed to go in there and ask for help.  I mean….look at how the economy has touched people these days.  There are SO many who are in our same boat.  If I was too scared or proud to ask for help, my family would not get the good food they need.  It was really a pretty easy process, and in the end, they approved us for emergency food help.

Let me just say that, when she told me how much I can get for help, my jaw dropped.  Not that it was out of whack….it is actually just what I would guess most people with kids spend each week on food.  It’s just that the amount was so much more than what I’ve been spending, I couldn’t process it.  I literally sat there, almost crying, confused as to how to use that much money to feed my family.  I haven’t been able to shop with a “real” amount of money in a while now, and literally didn’t know how to do it!  Even now, a day later, I am stunned.  I’m going to have to plan my meals out for this next week, so that when I go to the store I don’t waste the money I’ve been given.  I want to use it to feed my family like I KNOW I want to feed them….not just getting by.  I have wanted to incorporate more fresh foods into their meals, but haven’t been able to.  The food bank usually barely covers fruit and veggies for two or three meals, let alone a full week’s worth.  But with this…..I can feel good about how I’m feeding my family.  One of my love gifts to my family is the food I prepare.  It makes me feel good, and them feel loved, when I can put a good meal on the table.  I am SO excited to put some meals together and start serving them!

Sigh….happy sigh…..

We don’t know how long we will be in this boat.  I’m working now.  My husband is still doing his best to bring in money.  For years though we’ve paid our dues, helping those who needed help.  The system is there to help people like us, who just need some temporary assistance until things get better.  This season will pass.  I have a deep assurance of that in my heart.

I hope that, in reading this, people realize that there is no benefit in hiding what’s going on in life.  Yes, be careful and don’t just blurt your life and it’s details to everyone.  But, as I’ve said before, we need to stand together during this time.  Don’t be ashamed of what’s going on, because life happens to everyone.  Stand strong on your foundation, and THAT will get you through.  And don’t be afraid to ask for help.  It’s like the man in the storm, who asks God to save him.  Over the course of a few hours, a truck, a boat, and a helicopter come by saying “hop on!”  He refuses, and ends up dying.  In Heaven he asks God why he didn’t help.  And God replied….”I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter, but you didn’t take advantage of the help I sent!”  God wants to bless you and help you and pour out his grace in your life.  Don’t turn away his help, simply because it’s not what YOU want it to look like.

Blessings to you and your family today.

–me

 

Hunger

A problem that I encounter every now and again with this Crohn’s is being extremely hungry.  In a normal world, this would not pose much of a problem for anyone.  Simply open up the fridge or the cupboard, pick something to eat, and chow down.

Not gonna happen here, at least not for a while.

I’m still in the phase of needing to make all my food.  I don’t know many “processed” foods that I can eat, which means when I get to one of those days where my stomach is screaming, there’s really not a whole lot I can do about it.  I had one of those days earlier this week.  In addition to the hunger, it often is accompanied by extreme fatigue.  Try handling everything being a mom with after-school kids entails after a day of work in the public school and being totally spent!!!  I usually can muscle through the exhaustion, but it’s just not very easy!  🙂

Why am I so extreme on what I eat?  Basically, the person behind my diet believes that gut problems like mine stem having too much “junk” in our systems.  This often comes from the overprocessed starchy/sugary foods that our bodies ingest so much of in our society.  The bad guys in the gut just love to feast on those types of foods, so in order to restore balance, you starve them out and take away all the crud.  How out-of-control in our society is this “adding things to” and “processing” our foods?  Take this as an example:  Did you know that Dole canned pineapple juice is now fortified with Vitamins A and E?  Sounds great, right?  Except for the fact that they use cornstarch as a binding agent for the Vitamin A.  Cornstarch is one of those things the bad guys in my gut love to feast on.  So, something that seems perfectly okay, now can send someone with a compromised gut into a nasty flare.

Pretty ridiculous, don’t you think?

It just goes to show how much of our society has gotten away from natural foods.  I know a lot of people who are going back to canning and preserving their foods, which I think is awesome.  I honestly do love the way I eat now.  I feel so good about what I’m putting into my body.  I simply am looking forward to the day when I have lots of foods on hand that I can eat at a moment’s notice, and not have to think about making something when I am in one of those “hungry” modes.

 

WFD: Fajitas and apples

I’m starting a new category on my blog titled, “What’s for Dinner.”  In it I’ll be posting the menu I serve on certain nights, along with recipes.  My hope is that it gives people ideas on how to feed their families healthy meals that incorporate more fresh foods instead of high-processed crud.

I had picked up a ton of small green peppers from the food bank last week, and needed to do something with them.  So, I decided to make fajitas last night.  I made the meat, veggies, salsa, and tortillas according to my diet.  The rest of the family had flour tortillas for their fajitas.  Since everything else was going to be warm, I served cool Granny Smith Apple slices as a side.  That was it!  The picture is my fajita that I assembled, and will tell you about later in this post.  Yum!

Flank Steak: I marinated the flank steak for about an hour with a mixture of oil, garlic, onions, hot peppers, salt, and pepper.  I turned the steak a few times to get a good coating on each side.  I then thew it on the BBQ for about 20 minutes and sliced it thin to serve.

Veggies: I took green peppers and onions and sautéed them in the leftover marinade from the flank steak.  This took about 5 minutes as my family wouldn’t eat them if they were too crispy.

Salsa: I cut up and mixed together two small tomatoes, one small green pepper, 1/2 of a small hot pepper, 1 tablespoon white onion, and 1 garlic clove.  I then added 1 tablespoon dried cilantro, oregano, thyme, and salt and pepper to taste.  Last I added 1 tablespoon each white vinegar and honey, mixed well, and let it sit in the fridge for an hour so the flavors could mix.

Tortillas: For legal tortillas using almond flour, I added 1/3 cup almond flour with 1 egg and water (a few tablespoons) until the consistency was somewhat runny.  I then added a pat of butter to a hot pan and poured a small amount in to cover the bottom of the pan.  I cooked it until I could flip it.  This made two small tortillas, but probably could have made three.

My fajita (pictured): For my fajita, I set the tortilla open-faced on my plate, and slathered a good amount of dripped yogurt (which to me tastes like sour cream!) all over the bottom.  I then layered a few strips of flank steak, veggies, salsa, and olives on top of that, in that order.  I topped it off with a bit of cheddar cheese.  It was….amazing!

Review: This dinner took me about 1 1/2 hours to prepare because I was doing it all on the fly….creating as I went.  Next time I’ll try to think ahead more.  I wanted a more bold flavor in the salsa and with the meat, but overall the taste was very satisfying!

 

Doctors, Part 9

I am believing more and more that what I’m doing for this Crohn’s is actually working.  I’ve been on this diet for almost a year, and have followed the Naturopath’s protocol for 9 months.  We just took some blood last month, and had a bunch of my levels tested.  Here’s where things sit:

One of the main indicators that I had inflammation going on somewhere in my body was the CRP level.  When first diagnosed, this was at 23.  A normal CRP level is less than 0.30.  The 0.30 level is at the top end of normal, and means a high risk of cardio problems.  A level of 23 means, basically, “help!  This whole body is in disarray!”  Right now, my CRP came back at 0.31.  Woooohooooo!!!!!  The CRP is not always an indicator of inflammation going on in the body (I know of other Crohnies who have normal CRP levels, yet their inflammation is still active), but in my case, it is a very good indicator that things are looking up!

My Vitamin D is now at a normal level, where before it was very low.  I’ll keep taking 5,000 a day to keep it where it needs to be.

Cholesterol still looks great at 153, even though I am eating full-fat homemade yogurt, lots of high-calorie nut flour baked goods, and try to put real butter on everything.  🙂  This was actually low a few months back at 93, so it’s good that it is where it should be.

A big surprise was the testosterone level.  I knew this was low, but never took a full course of anything to correct it.  IT IS NOW NORMAL!!!  What this tells us is that my body is, in some ways, starting to re-balance itself and heal the areas that it can heal (the Crohn’s inflammation cannot be healed….it can just get better).  THAT is very cool to me.  🙂

My iron stores are looking up.  A low storage of iron can also mean bleeding inside (likely due to inflammation).  My level was at 9 last time, and is now at 17.  Again, another marker getting to “normal” without any undue interference from me!

This has really excited me, cautiously.  When I was diagnosed, the GI doctor I was seeing wanted to put me on a strong immunosuppressant and steroids right away to get this inflammation under control.  The immunosuppressant would have, just like it sounds, “calmed” down my immune system by suppressing it, which they HOPE would make the inflammation stop.  But while taking that, I would be susceptible to any cold or virus that came along.  NOT a good option when I’m now a teacher and my kids are back in school!  In addition, these drugs could often have the side-effects of bloating, gas, abdominal cramping, and diarrhea.  These are all symptoms of Crohns, which I DON’T HAVE.  I surely didn’t want to take a drug that would give me the Crohn’s symptoms I was trying to avoid!  This GI doc was very skeptical that any natural or diet approach could work.  I look forward to emailing him at some point in time to tell him how things are going.  🙂

I’m not out of the woods yet.  A colonoscopy still looms in my near future.  It’s only through that test, an actual visual inspection of the problem areas, that we’ll know how much good has been done.  Until then, I still will remain cautiously skeptical.

But I think these latest blood results are pretty cool.  🙂

 

Basic Almond Flour Cookies :)

Today I was craving something baked, warm, sweet, and bread-like.  Most of the recipes I have call for 4 eggs, and I didn’t have that on hand, so I decided to venture out on a limb and create something myself!  I’ve learned that most baked almond flour recipes have these ingredients in common:  almond flour, salt, eggs, baking soda, honey.  You can add vanilla too, which I often do because I’ve made my own recently and LOVE the taste of vanilla!  With this recipe, I wanted to work towards a cookie, and so knew the consistency I needed.  I’m sure there are ways to improve on this, but here’s what I did:

Ingredients:

• 1 cup almond flour
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1/4 baking soda
• 2 tablespoons honey (I like sweet stuff….add less if you want, or more!)
• 1 tablespoon vanilla
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1 egg

Preparation:

I have discovered that for any almond flour baked goodie to be light and have a good thick consistency (not runny), I need to whip them first.  So, I took the egg, and whipped it for about 2 minutes.  I then added the salt, baking soda, honey, vanilla, and butter and whipped them until well mixed.  I then added the almond flour and mixed until well blended.  The consistency was thick, and perfect for dropping on a cookie sheet.  I dropped them by spoonfuls onto a baking sheet and baked them for 8 minutes at 350.  This made a dozen cookies.

I will add a touch more vanilla and honey next time to increase the flavor.  These ones were good, but I want them sweeter.  Otherwise, I am very happy with the recipe.  The consistency and flavor are both what I was desiring today.  🙂

 

Beans!

How’s that song go?  “Beans, beans, the musical fruit.  The more you eat, the more you toot.  The more you toot….”  Well, you know the rest!  Let’s just say there was some music going on in my house last night, and no one was playing the piano!

Anywhooooo…………  🙂

Beans are a more advanced food on my diet.  I’ve been on it for 11 months, and so decided I could try them.  Apparently, my system cannot digest them yet.  3 hours after eating a nice big helping of my oh-so-yummy Jambalaya the gas started to come.  It continued through the rest of the evening, though it was never painful.  So far this morning, it seems to have gone away.  There isn’t really much pain, but at times I have this dread that my bowels are going to explode at any minute!  It’s not the worst reaction I’ve had to something, but it’s enough that the next time I make Jambalaya I’ll forgo the beans.  I’ll wait a few weeks before I make the Jambalaya again just to make sure it wasn’t the other ingredients.

There also might be a “safe” bean to try for me, instead of the red kidney beans.  I’ll do some more research and see what that could be, and then maybe do an isolated test with just the beans themselves.

 

Jambalaya

I’ve been craving some good Jambalaya lately, but couldn’t find a recipe from an SCD legal source.  So, I just made one up!  I substituted red kidney beans for the rice (can’t have rice), and it really turned out quite nummy.  This is a good basic recipe, I think, that you could go and add or subtract to make it your own.  I add a few dolops of homemade dripped yogurt on top, and it’s wonderful!  I make mine spicy, but you can just tame the spicy ingredients down if you don’t want your sinuses cleared out that much.  🙂

Ingredients:

• 1 medium white or yellow onion
• 3 large cloves of garlic
• 4 stalks of celery
• 1 green pepper
• 1 red pepper
• 1-2 medium hot peppers, diced fine
• 2 cups soaked red kidney beans (they will finish cooking in the pot)
• 2 cups homemade chicken stock
• 1 tsp sea salt
• 1 tsp pepper
• 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
• dash of dried oregano (optional)
• dash of dried thyme (optional)

Preparation:

Dice the onion and garlic semi-fine and put in a large pot with some olive oil over medium heat while you cut everything else up.  Dice chunky the celery and peppers, and add them to the pot.  Finely dice the hot peppers and add them to the pot.  Add all other ingredients, and bring everything up to a simmer.  Simmer most of an hour, or until the majority of the liquid has been absorbed AND the beans are done.  You can add hamburger or chicken to this.  For non SCDers you could add a good sausage to this and/or serve it with rice.  Voila!

 

Teaching again

Well, I’m going back to work this morning.  It’s been 8 years since I’ve been in a public school classroom as a teacher, so this should be fun!  I have my teaching degree and before kids, enjoyed being a substitute teacher.  This past summer I was able to secure a job as a sub in one of our local school districts, and I’ve finally gotten carpooling taken care of so that I can actually work!

I was a bit scared, to tell the truth, to go back into the classroom.  Adults?  Fine….no problem.  Kids?  Well, let’s just say things have changed a bit in the last 8 years, technology included, and I was unsure of how I would do.

But, today is Art at the High School.  That shouldn’t be too bad.  It’s a good class to “get my feet” wet with.  I will miss reading to my kids at the table this morning, but they’ll be okay.  It’s good to be doing something that will bring money to our family!  Also a blessing is that this Crohn’s is not debilitating, so I can actually go work at a place where potty breaks are few and far between.  🙂

 

Where do you stand?

I ask….where do you stand?

Where do you stand about society today?

What do you stand upon?

I myself stand upon the Rock that is My God.  First and foremost.

Now, if you are not a believer, please don’t stop reading there.  I don’t say that to condemn you, nor to point fingers, or to push my “religion” on you.  I just say that to state the first, and most important, part in my life.

The second is that I stand upon the fact that I am an American.  I was born here, raised here, and hopefully will die here.

Guess what?  America was founded on grit and heart and God.  We were founded by people who wanted something different, and who were not afraid to seek that, stand up for it, and fight for it.

The economy is in shambles these days.  Plenty of people will tell you that.  Just look around your neighborhood.  On our little 3 block two-street neighborhood I can drive by six houses either in foreclosure or already owned by the bank.  I can name countless other people that I know who are hurting.  I don’t know a single person or family that has not been touched these days, and has had to look at their lives and see where they can change.

But here’s the crux of the matter:  when things go bad, what do you stand upon?

Are you from the “give me everything” culture and sit in front of your tv bemoaning the fact that you have nothing to eat, when a job might be just around the corner?

Are you an American of the old days?  Are you willing to dig deeper into yourself, and see how you can make it work?  When the going gets tough, are you willing to grit your teeth and take a stronger hold, unwilling to just let everything “pass away” without a fight?

I’m an American.  And I will stand up proudly and say that.  I still get teary when Lee Greenwood sings, “I’m Proud to be an American.”  And I’m not afraid to say that!

Why?

Because plenty of people built this nation on their guts, and God, alone.  They came here wanting something, and they worked for it.  America is a place of freedom, and opportunity.  Yes, our economy stinks right now.  But guess what?  It’s not the first time, and it likely won’t be the last.  I admire the immigrants of ages past that came with nothing, and built everything.  That strength and fortitude is simply amazing.

I’m going to stand upon the fact that I’m an American.

I’m not going to go down without a fight.

I love my God, and my country.  I have been given much to be thankful for.

I will not just sit here and complain.

I will dig my feet in, and keep going.

This country is the greatest in the world.  We have our problems, but we have so much!

I’m an American.  People have died for me.

I’m an American.  People have slaved for me.

I’m an American.  People have sacrificed for me.

I’m an American.  People have served me.

I’m an American.

I will dig deep.

I will not give up without a fight.

I will overcome, because that is in our nature, as a people……as a country.

I will stand upon this name, America, because of all that it stands for.  It stands for freedom.  It stands for peace.  It stands for truth.  It stands for guts.  It stands for “get-it-done” attitudes.  It stands for strength.  It stands for sacrifice.  It stands for hard work.

When the going gets tough, what do you stand upon?

Stand with me, as Americans.

Look around you.

You are not the only one.

Reach out a hand, and help someone in need.

Become a community again, one that cares for each other.

Build upon our strengths, and help each other in our weaknesses.

We built this country together.  No one man did it.  No one man can tear it apart.

We are so much stronger as a whole than we are apart.

I’m an American.

What are you?

 

Almond Butter Cookies

I needed something sweet today, and so made these really easy cookies.  The real test will be when I feed them to my kids after school.  🙂  Quick, easy, pretty cheap….and satisfying to my sweet tooth!  🙂

Here is the website with the recipe:

http://thehealingfork.blogspot.com/2010/10/almond-butter-cookies.html

Enjoy!

 

Land! Land!

I have this wonderful devotional book titled “The One Year Christian History.”  I love reading all these little tidbits of how God has worked through history in the lives of believers.  This morning the story was about Christopher Columbus:

After sailing for over 2 months on the open ocean, the men aboard Columbus’ three ships were growing restless.  A mutiny seemed imminent if they did not turn back.  On October 9, the three captains met, and Columbus agreed that if by October 12 they had not sighted land, they would turn around and go home.  On the morning of October 11, 1492, the men were very tense, yet Columbus was confident that God would soon reveal his promised land.  Suddenly, a shout went up from the Pinta that a reed and a small piece of wood obviously carved by a man was seen in the water.  A short time later a twig with roses on it was sighted by the Nina.  At 10 p.m that night, a brief light shone in the distance, and then was gone.  At 2 a.m the next morning, just 4 hours before the dawn and the ships were to turn back, the lookout cried out, “Land!  Land!”  The men looked out and, in the moonlight, saw with their own eyes the pale, white cliff of the new land.

I love this story for a few reasons.  For one, I love that God gave a sign so small as to be almost insignificant, yet held in its hand all the promises of a new life, a new world.  Those small pieces of wood could have been easily missed in the vastness of the ocean, yet with the diligent eyes of the crew they were not, and hope was restored.  The other reason I like this story is the fact that the ships were mere hours away from turning back, yet Columbus did not give up on God.  He remained confident that God would reveal the promised land, even when defeat was so close at hand.

Are you close to defeat?  Have you given up on the dream that God gave you?  Take heart!  Look for the God-signs around you.  They are there….you just have to be diligent, and look for them.  Don’t give up.  The night is darkest right before the dawn, but with the coming of the sun comes hope, peace, and God’s overwhelming blessings in our lives.

 

So….why do I write?

Today as I was driving through the rain I asked myself, “why do I write?”  Is it some attempt to gain sympathy over our plight?  Is it to politically expose what is wrong with our society?  Or do I just not have anyone else to share with, and so I share it with the world?

Well, none of the above.

I write for two reasons.

The first is to encourage people to not hide in their houses, but to be open and real and share their lives with others.  We’ve been given a voice (the only creatures on this earth with this unique ability), and I believe our God does not want us to be silent.  In sharing our lives with others, we can encourage, love, and build each other up.  These are not easy times.  If we close ourselves off from those around us, we will not make it.  We need each other, and if in sharing my story I can encourage others to open up and be real, then that’s what I’ll do.

The second reason is this:  I believe that God will save us.  I believe that His grace is going to rain down upon my family.  I believe that our financial situation will turn around, at any moment. Things have gotten so far down that there is no earlthy or humanly way for us to get out of this.  The ONLY way is through God’s grace pouring into our lives.  We have stayed strong through this trial because we believe that, ultimately, we serve a God who LOVES us, wants to bless us, and will take care of us no matter what.  WHEN God does raise us up out of this plight, I want there to be a record of where we’ve been.  I want you, the reader, to know the impossibility of our situation because you’ve journeyed there with us, through my writing.  I want there to be NO question of what’s gone on.  Then, when God saves us, you will know that we didn’t do it.  We will not be able to take ANY credit for it at all, because there would have been NO WAY that we could have done it.

Let me be perfectly clear:  I serve the one and only God.  The God of this Universe.  The God that makes all things possible.  The God that loved me so much that he gave up his Son Jesus for me.  I believe in His ability to save.  I believe that it is only possible by his grace, poured out to us through the sacrifice of his Son.  Without this belief, I would have given up long ago on this life.  It is only through faith that we still stand.  Faith in the ONLY being who deserves our praise.  God WILL rescue us. Of that I am certain.  When He does, I hope that by sharing my story you too will believe in Him, and trust him in your own life.

We are in an impossible situation.

The only way out is through faith in My God, who makes the impossible, possible.

 

The noose tightens

Food?  Medicine?  Heating bill?  Which do you choose?

I found myself last night in a conversation with my husband, reluctant to buy the supplements I need to continue fighting this disease.  Why should I spend money on myself when my kids need food, the car needs gas to drive them to school, and the bills keep piling up?

I don’t spend money easily (siblings called me a “tightwad” all the time), and I have historically had an especially hard time spending it on myself.  I’ve gotten better the last few years, and realize that I’m worth it, but when things get tight I pull back.

Last night, I didn’t want to order my pills.  I felt like I was playing Russian Roulette in terms of them.  “This one I can do without for another week, but this one I need right now.”  ALL the supplements have played a part in getting me healthy these past 9 months.  How can I choose which to continue and which to not?

Health Insurance is key.  We have to pay that.  What to do….what to do?

Easy.

It’s called damage control, and we’ve been here awhile.

What are the most critical things to pay right now, when there is little in the bank?  What can wait?  How long can I do without this medicine, or that pill?  How long can we keep the heaters off in the house?

As I went to bed it felt like the hangman’s noose was slowly tightening on us.  It’s been getting closer and closer each month.  There just simply isn’t much there for us.  “We have just this much money, and it needs to last us until the end of the month.”  I look at the calendar, and realize it’s only the 7th.  How on earth will this pitiful amount sustain us until Halloween?

How much longer can we hang on?

How many more “sun stopping” prayers do I have in me?

 

Computer woes

Sorry I haven’t been on lately.  Our computer took a crash on Saturday, and we are still trying to get things back to a normal functioning state.  All things considered, we are surviving well without it!  I’m learning the joys of a fast connection speed once again (at the library!), and am loving that.  I do feel out of sorts though in terms of what is going on in the world.  I generally will check msn news in the morning, and check up on friends through facebook.  And of course there is email.  Without these, and without tv for local and world news, I feel kinda lost.

But, I’m figuring it out.  🙂

I don’t know how long I’ll be without a reliable computer.  I hope not too long, because I have lots to update everyone on! 

Talk to you soon……..

 

Another month

As I turn the calendar this morning to October, I am amazed that yet another month has passed.  I look around our kitchen at all that we still have.  Two years ago, when we knew the last salary check had come and gone, we had no idea how we were going to survive.  I can still remember the look on my face, not knowing what we were going to do, or how this all would shake out.

I had no idea that God would sustain us this long.

There have been times when the last day of the month comes, and the money shows up on that day to pay the bills.  It’s only by the grace of God that we have made it this far.

We still have our house.  We still have our cars.  There is a stove to keep us warm.  The family is still being fed.

And Hope is not lost.

October is here.  I don’t know how it will shake out.  There might be some money from Real Estate deals closing to come our way.  Might not.  Who knows?

My prayer is that God’s grace will pour down on our financial mountain.  And that this mountain wouldn’t just move from here to there, but that it would be shattered and cast across the mighty ocean, never to arise again.

I know My God is mighty.  I know his grace abounds in my life….just look around!  I never thought we’d make it two years from that day in September.  I don’t know how we’ll continue to make it.

Does that really matter though, that I don’t know the plans?

No way! 

All I need to know is that I am a daughter of the Most High King, and he will continue to sustain me in all these circumstances. 

Every day, without fail.